Read This If You Have Just Lost A Friend

friends breaking up
Priscilla Du Preez

Let’s face it: some of the people in this world you just don’t get along with. They ruffle your feathers, rub you the wrong way, or make you feel as lonely as an empty peanut butter jar (after you’ve eaten half of it with a tablespoon, while lying on the couch drenched in your self-pity and shame).

Chances are, these people that make you feel all these kinds of wacky ways are people you simply do not jive with on paper either. But what happens when you are supposed to mesh with them? A Leo and a Libra. A Pisces and a Cancer. They are, in fact, supposed to get along, according to zodiac science, if you will.

Then there are those who are NOT going to get along. An Aries and a Sagittarius. A Leo and a Capricorn. I’m here to tell you a little short story, a tiny subplot of my life, that occurred over the course of the last year. I can tell you with definite certainty that many friendships and relationships are not always written in the stars (or the constellations).

So, maybe you’re feeling down because of some turmoil in your inner circle that has happened recently. You got into a fight with an ex, your sister, or your co-worker. You lost touch with a friend from high school that you thought would be in your life forever. Maybe you just lost a friend that you thought you wouldn’t miss, but now, you realize you do. Or, like me, maybe you lost a friend that you thought you couldn’t live without, but are realizing you’re doing absolutely fine without them. If any variations of these tumultuous events happened to you, this story may be of use to you.

A Pisces, I am every sense of the words described of me in many articles on horoscopes, love, and loss. My life is driven by my emotion, I crave for everyone to get along, and I long for friendships that light a spark inside you. Bonding with people is what makes me feel most alive. There are still moments I spend with my mother where I learn something that makes me feel closer to her.

As a friend, I always try new ways to deepen my friendships with the people around me. As a lover, I fiercely guide my actions with my heart. It often overflows with lust and affection for my significant other. It has been this way with all of my relationships, but with my husband, it has manifested into an unconditional love I could only experience as a Piscean. The flip side of a Pisces is how terribly bad it hurts when we are betrayed. Our skin is not thick and not tough. In a sense, our emotions make us weak…

My longtime friend was a Cancer. In many horoscopes, you read that a Pisces and a Cancer often feel as one. They lead with their heart and drive the car of their life with emotion, often veering off-track in hopes for a connection and affirmation from another. This Cancer girl was every bit of the word as well: emotional to a fault, driven by insecurity and need for attention, and a lover of all things felt by the heart.

The problem with Cancers is- well, do you know what it is? Maybe you know because you are a Cancer yourself. Ironically, most Cancers I know do fit their stereotypical profile of self-absorption, so maybe you don’t know. Conclusively, Cancers are often so wrapped up in finding and seeking confirmation from outsiders that they tend to be a bit selfish. Enter the foreshadowing.

Lastly in this short story we have a Leo. Did your eyes widen at the thought? Leos are fierce like Pisces, but not by way of emotion. Their symbol is a lion- a tough leader who can be hard-headed, yet independent and loyal, too. In this way, Leos can be selfish as well, but not always purposefully. They lead with their head, always make smart choices, and do what is best for themselves in the end. This can sometimes (maybe frequently) come off as abrasive, leading to passive-aggression, nasty comments, and sometimes arguments.

Do you see where I’m going with this yet?

July 2016

My Cancer friend was busy planning my Bachelorette Party last minute, group chatting the 6, potentially 8, girls that were going to attend. One was our story’s Leo as previously mentioned. Because Cancer kept changing the plans, slightly gearing them toward herself rather than her BFF Pisces, Leo got nervous, questioning many of Cancer’s plans and the money going into them. As a Pisces, I looked up to both of them, inspired by each in different ways, so I had a hard time when things hit the fan.

To put it simply, Cancer and Leo did not mesh well. One thought the other was selfish for continuous plan-changing and the amount of money she was requesting to go with it. The other believed Leo was being a royal you-know-what, selfishly wanting to keep her money to herself and not spend a little on her Piscean friend. In hindsight, this drama should have subsided, with each remembering the moments and memories were not about them, what they wanted, or what they spent, but about me, Pisces (seriously just this once in my life- it is not in my nature or zodiac to be the constant center of attention).

The Bachelorette Party ended with no attendance from our Leo, due to the fact that she could not stand being in the same room as Cancer, and didn’t want to cause any more drama than what had already transpired. (Maybe fierce, but still a mature and level-headed choice).

March 2017

Leo and Pisces hash it out. Everything is discussed. I cry, following my emotion as always, and try to explain my side of things. Leo grows angry and simply does not understand this emotional and self-centered Piscean attitude, stating that I should grow thicker skin and not let people and their choices get to me as much as I do. Lion- meet lamb. We resolve to have a clean slate and start over, putting every tumultuous moment behind us.

July 2017

Here’s where things get real good guys. We have already mentioned how well Pisces and Cancer go together. They are driven by their souls, with heavy emotion and a desire for a full heart that is loved and wanted. Mind you, each does it with significantly different intentions, yet they connect very easily because they crave similar things in life.

Seven years of friendship came down to one selfish moment in which it was all ruined. I will let you decide who was the selfish one.

Pisces and Cancer, with a fellow Taurus, decided to take a trip to Miami for Cancer’s birthday. She planned pretty much everything for us, so all we had to do was follow her. Let me tell you, that is just what we did: we followed her. Everywhere. Now, yes, it was her birthday, and yes, she did choose to go there, and had been there before. But we did everything she wanted, from where we ate, to how many hours we spent at the beach, to if we got up early to see the sunrise over the ocean (we didn’t by the way, she was ‘too tired’). Not once did she ask her two friends what they wanted to do. In fact, I don’t even think it crossed her mind. By the third day, in the blistering Miami heat at high noon, we were both following her around, yet again, at Wynwood Walls, taking pictures of her for her blog. Cut to three p.m. that afternoon, it was a little less sweltering, but there we were, attempting to break into an upscale Miami hotel for, you guessed it, more pictures for her blog. As a Pisces, I was over it at this point. We are all about experience, special moments, searching for those quick seconds or minutes in which our hearts are full. Yet here I was on vacation, with no great experience or moment, or even someone to share it with.

I rode to the airport early as I was on a different flight. Sitting at my gate, I wanted to cry. I had spent so much time and effort on this weekend and I had had a terrible time. I also missed my husband badly and craved to be next to someone that appreciated and craved me back. My head and my heart were both leading with emotion, but of course, I couldn’t help it. (The zodiac says so.) I texted Cancer, telling her I was exhausted, mentally drained, and wanted to go home once I got back to New York City. Because I was supposed to spend another day with her (her actual birthday) I asked if another friend of hers was going to join us for our plans as we had originally talked about. This way, I wouldn’t feel bad leaving her completely alone. Her reply was, “ Well you know her, she is flaky and might not show up. And I obviously don’t want to be alone on my birthday.” There was no mention of “Friend, what is the matter? We were so excited for our plans. Tell me what’s wrong.” There was no “I’m worried about you. Talk to me.” She was just worried about herself.

 I decided then and there I was going home. I cried on the plane for a few minutes, then found myself growing angry. My skin felt electric, hot and cold at the same time. My blood was bubbling at the audacity that came out of this human that was so close to me for so long. But, wait. Was I the selfish one? I couldn’t spend one more day with her? Granted, we would still be doing what she wanted, but maybe I was too worried about myself, too. Another Pisces trait: always questioning ourselves and finding fault in our choices, just to appease others. I just couldn’t shake the fact that she didn’t ask me what was wrong. She wasn’t concerned with her ‘best friend’ at all. The boiling returned to my blood. The pit of angst returned to my stomach and seemed to implode. My skin electrified once again. This must be the thick skin Leo was referring to.

So what is the point of this little story about a few zodiacs? We just spoke about three: their personality traits, their flaws, and their strengths. The way they intertwined leaves something to be said though: maybe, sometimes, what our zodiac says doesn’t matter. Some of us read horoscopes religiously. When it says a positive thing will happen on the 25th, we wait impatiently for the end of the month to roll around, hoping it comes true.

All of us crave change, something bigger or better, and our horoscopes often give us the anticipation that that might actually happen. But I am here to tell you that who the zodiac says we are may not be the one and only finite description of us. We are human. We are lost, wandering in a world where we sometimes don’t know our purpose.

I could have told you last year that Cancer would always be in my life and Leo was so obviously different from me that we would never really be friends. The zodiacs would have told you that, too. Yet now I can sit here and say it doesn’t always matter your sign. A Leo may be hard-headed, but they are loyal and always willing to give other chances. A Pisces may be emotionally weak, but circumstances may lead them to develop that thick skin they’ve always needed, yet never had. A Cancer may be selfish and concerned with validation, but they always lead with their hearts, for better or for worse.

So whatever tumultuous event is happening in your life, let it be what it is. Don’t try to explain it, understand it, analyze it, or fix it. Do not rush to read your horoscope, your friend’s, or your ex’s.

If you let the hardship course through you and allow time to heal whatever wound you are tending to, you will find that life goes on. Just remember, people are always more than the zodiac sign you place on them. Some may surprise you, for better or for worse. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog