I remember when I was 8 or 9, I sneakily crept into my mother’s bathroom while she was cooking dinner or cleaning the living room or doing something that I knew would distract her for awhile. I opened her cabinets, searched her drawers, and sprayed her expensive perfume on my neck. Then, I found something in the shower. I knew she shaved with it as I saw her do many times. I was intrigued.
I picked it up and stared deep into the silvery metallic blades, hastily deciding to caress my fingertips across them. OUCH. Three little cuts lined my tiny pointer finger and blood oozed slowly out of them. Ironically at that moment my mother came in and angrily asked me what I was doing. As I recall, I turned my finger around to face her and just stared at her, my eyes sadly begging for help.
In hindsight, that was the first time I knew this whole girl thing was going to be difficult. You may feel like you’re struggling right now, for whatever reason. I’m here to tell you it’s okay, mostly because I am almost 27 and, as a woman, I still feel like I have NO idea what I’m doing. Below I have listed just a few things that it’s okay to suck at sometimes, or all the time. Life is hard. Being a woman is hard. And we cannot be expected to be great at it all the time. So it’s okay to suck at:
1. shaving. because seriously how am I expected to get all of those little suckers?! Whenever I lay on the beach and inspect my work, I always find a stray hair I never could have seen in the shower, even though I was convinced I did a perfect job this time around. I mean I already spent an extra fifteen minutes in the shower after coming home at 7 p.m., making dinner, doing a load of laundry, folding it (pat on the back for that) and catching up with my hubby, asking how his day was. It’s 9:30 p.m. and I cannot be bothered with you little hairs giving me a problem!!
2. tweezing. Again, all those little hairs really love being vengeful. Like are you mad because we took away your friends? I’ll grow more for you. Now get out of my pores so I don’t look like a furry dog wearing a gorilla costume. I just can’t be expected to keep up with this as well as I should.
3. having your period. Seriously. It’s fine to be bad at just having it. I feel that way for about five days out of the month. Why can’t I get rid of these cramps? Why is this tampon so painful? I hate pads. I might as well wear a diaper under my jeans. I remember when I was twelve I wore a pad too long at school and literally bled through my pants. I didn’t have high hopes for being a woman then and I don’t now.
4. handling your emotions. This one is the MOST important I think. When we are old enough to have relationships and even get married, we are labeled as crazy when we are being emotional and called irrational when we feel lost. Our hormones are raging, fluctuating our happiness/sadness/anger up and down faster than a carnival ride. Are we expected to be perfect all the time? I say HELL NO to that. I am entitled to a few days of confusion and uncontrollable emotions. Especially because these hormones I’m feeling are coursing through me all so I can eventually house and birth YOUR child in the coming years. So get a grip and let me cry about the lotion pump not working.
5. sex… I mean, some of us don’t suck at this. But it’s okay to not know what you’re doing, to ask questions and communicate with your partner. Simply said, the more you ask/say the better it will be. But don’t feel like you need to please your S/O and not get anything for yourself. Tell him what you want and enjoy. 😉
6. cooking/baking/anything in the kitchen.When I try a new recipe and it doesn’t come out fulfilling or tasteful or delicious, I feel terrible. I feel like a failure as a wife. I can’t even cook a simple dinner for my husband? Why did I get married? I should have continued my life as a recluse watching Netflix and drinking too much wine in my single girl bubble. But truthfully, it is okay to mess up now and again. We had several years of having food made for us, so we can’t be expected to learn it all in one day/night/year of marriage. I don’t have a degree from the culinary institute and I sure as hell don’t have the patience to go get one. It’s okay to mess up once and awhile. What matters is that you try again and again because eventually you will surprise, and maybe even impress, yourself and it will taste great.
7. friendships. Personally, it has always been hard for me to keep friends. I think people grow and mature at different rates and sometimes they end up blossoming apart. Other times we make a huge mistake and can’t recover from it, our friendship feeling too strained, too hard to maintain and repair. I always thought there was something wrong with me. Why don’t people think I’m worth fighting for? But in the last year, even, I realized that friendship SHOULD be easy. There shouldn’t be fighting, drama, pettiness, or one-sidedness. Simply, our friendships should be all about love and laughter and nothing more or less. So if you’re having trouble feeling underwhelmed in the friend department, it’s okay. Because you’ll make more. And everything happens for a reason.
8. men. Do I need to explain this one? They’re impossible!
9. dressing perfectly every. single. day. In our modern world of Instagram bloggers and perfect shots of the perfect outfits, I think the expectations for all of us girls are set significantly high. But let’s face it: not all of us can afford those great leather jackets or trendy little black dresses or perfect pair of slides. And can we talk about how the trends change so quickly? By the time I can afford a few key pieces that are on trend, a new trend is turning the corner and welcoming us with open arms. I can’t keep up!! But it’s fine, because most of us can’t. Just wear what makes you feel comfortable and you will look perfect every. single. day.
10. own your flaws. No one is perfect. And even thought society expects us to be, we all know we are not. I could list five flaws I feel I possess right now and it wouldn’t help me feel good about myself. It’s okay to be bad at accepting the things you don’t like about yourself, but don’t focus on them so much that you become a negative, insecure recluse that refuses to leave your bedroom. I laugh terribly loud and obnoxiously, but I truly love laughing, so I don’t care if it pierces someone’s ear next to me. I hate that I overthink, but no one could ever say I’m not prepared for anything ahead. Don’t sell yourself short. Your flaws are probably only in your head. Just don’t let them get to your heart.