How To Be The Best At Being Scared Of Bees

By Alexandra Frank

Bees, wasps, hornets, anything goes. Here are some guaranteed ways to overreact at the sight of stinging winged insects.

1. Make parking your car as difficult as possible. Climb over the passenger seat since the driver’s side is too close to the floral landscaping your mother spent all spring growing.

2. Jump out of your seat whenever there’s buzzing on TV. Or the Radio. Maybe your phone vibrated. The adrenaline will keep you alert in case of a real attack.

3. Make your fiancé clean up the dead wasps in your living room. The exterminator got half the job done considering the graveyard on the floor, but you still can’t take any risks. Go into another room and pace nervously until the job is done.

4. Watch Black Widow Spider v. Queen Wasp on YouTube so you can be sure which is scarier. Now you’re even more terrified of both.

5. How much is an Epi-pen? No, you don’t need one, you’re not allergic. YET.

6. Consider investing in an apiary suit. You almost found the perfect suit with high coverage only to learn it can’t guarantee hornet and wasp protection. Until then, a can of Zep is always at arm’s reach.

7. Embarrass yourself at work. An angry hornet found inside the ceiling light above your desk. Stare in fear and get absolutely no work done all afternoon. Thankfully your coworker got you a bug-zapper as a birthday gift, just in case.

8. Embarrass yourself at the NY Botanical Gardens. Flowers and insects everywhere, worsened by your family wanting to spend extra time in the Rose Garden. Everyone pretends not to know you, even grandma.

9. Contemplate a move to Antarctica. Hardly any insects can survive there. Neither can your social life but hey, you can finally relax and that’s the BEE’S KNEES.