After graduating college and finding myself in the inevitable un-employed, living back in my parents house situation, I thought a great way to fill the social gap left by my incredible friends at school was to find a guy on a dating app. My friend had told me about Tinder, and that she even scored some blind dates with guys in her area, so I was intrigued. After days of swiping left for NOPE, and right for LIKED, I feel like someone needs to tell these dudes on Tinder why they are ruining a potentially great app:
The Lax Pics
Apparently every single guy on Tinder plays Lax. That’s cool, I’m definitely into athleticism, but if every single one of your five pictures is you, in a full face mask, cradling a lax stick, I’m swiping left. If you don’t have the confidence to put up a picture just of you, your face, I’m not interested. No woman wants to have anything to do with a guy who is perpetually stuck behind the fact that he’s only good for one thing: laxin’.
The Pics of You With Beautiful Girls On Each Arm
What the fuck are you doing on this app in the first place? If you’re rocking two beauties, both probably better looking than the girl who’s checking you out on Tinder, you are a waste of a swipe, left OR right. Grow some balls and hook up with the casual models you felt the need to put in your dating app pic. Throwing it in our faces that you’ve hung out with girls way hotter than us is rude, and makes us think you’ve got nothing better to do than brag about the girls you KNOW, but don’t ever get with, to complete strangers who are actually trying to find someone.
The Pic Of You With Your Ex
Okay, REALLY? A picture of you tenderly kissing your pretty ex-girlfriend on the forehead? OR, more than one picture of you guys together? You are sending out ALL the wrong signals buddy, and there’s not a chance in hell I’m swiping LIKED for someone who’s publicly showing how clingy they are to a past relationship.
Your Tagline Info
Maybe you guys don’t give girls enough credit, and think we’re not checking out the info you’ve provided past your pictures, but we DO. Therefore, it doesn’t really matter if you’re a total knockout in 4 out of 5 pictures (the one picture where you’re funneling doesn’t cut it and is pretty fucking lame anyway), cause I’m reading your tagline to find out something about you. If you’re tagline says “slaying sluts and baggin hoes”, you’re disgusting and need to mature about 20 more years before any woman is going to be interested in you.
The Five Mirror Pics
If you have chosen to provide ONLY mirror shots of yourself, you’re getting an automatic NOPE. Women want to see you in social situations, outdoors doing manly activities, on a boat holding a fish, ANYTHING that indicates you’ve got a life. If you’re showing us five pictures of you, alone, taking a picture of yourself, we can only assume you have no friends and (probably) no job.
The 45 Year Old
I’m sorry, I don’t WANT to discriminate here, but I have to. Tinder is for 20-somethings. Please get a match.com account, because there’s honestly not a chance in hell I’m swiping LIKE for a forty-something year old in a sea of 25 year old gorgeous, toned men.
So there you have it. Women are shallow too, and truth be told, probably more picky than you guys. When Tinder offers guy after guy after guy, it’s hard not to be particular. In a sea of lax bros, chauvinists, “slut slayers”, and men too old for smart phones, there are few handsome, successful looking guys, but they ARE there. Those are the ones we’re swiping LIKE to fellas, so get on board.