The long, lonely nights you spend lying awake in bed staring at your ceiling can be so torturous. Sometimes you wish that you could escape your mind or at least temporarily stop it from racing. The ceiling you gaze into can almost seem like a blank template for all of your thoughts and desires with this special somebody. If you don’t stop yourself you could almost spend eternity here, thinking about how things could be. How they should be. Eventually reality starts kicking back in and it hurts. You ache knowing the one you love so much at the end of the day is not yours.
If he was, perhaps he would be there lying next to you and giving your mind the peace that it deserves. Silencing all of your what-if’s and hopes that consume your thoughts. He is not there now and will not be there giving you the clarification that a true love gives. It is time to let go.
Now is the clenching moment where you want to throw in your excuses and the common saying “we just need more time” or “he isn’t in the position to withhold a relationship right now but he cares for me.” Stop. Here he is just like he always is right at your fingertips. You take two steps forward, then 10, 20 etc. Just wishing to get where you need to be, pulling him in and finally grasping what you want to be truly yours so badly. Again I will tell you, you must let go.
If this guy was meant to be yours, he would not constantly keep himself at a distance. As much as it hurts, now is the time to realize that he does not feel the same way about you. He doesn’t lie awake at night thinking about your future together. He doesn’t think of you when he’s sitting in his car as each song plays one after another on the radio. Little things like this do not have the same effect on him. Instead those love songs that appear on all of your favorite stations push your mind into drifting away, thinking about him again. You are in love, so it is hard to fight. It seems unavoidable and it is in this state of mind.
Constantly feeling as though you’re in limbo and in question is a dangerous thing. Naturally when we care for someone we want to look at the bright side more than ever. We want to see the good in them no matter what the situation is. This enables us to consistently dilute the real scenario. If someone doesn’t directly tell you that your dreams will never come true, you’re still going to have hope that they will. This isn’t the time to be negative, but instead be real. Put all of your thoughts and even his words aside and look at his actions.
Put yourself in his place. Imagine that you were both in each other’s shoes. There would be no doubt in your mind that you two would be together right? When two people love each other they find a way to make it work. If you were meant to be his, he would be pulling you in and holding you tight when you reach out, not pushing you away. This man would make sure that there wasn’t a space allowing for the next man, who wouldn’t hesitate for a second to sweep you off your feet.
Love is patient, but love doesn’t leave you in the dark, questioning where you stand. It doesn’t leave you hurt and constantly hoping for more. This is why you need to let go. If you do not allow yourself to let go, you will never allow yourself to meet the one who can return your feelings. It will be hard; I’m not saying that it won’t. I still think about my “almost relationship” every day. But it gets easier. You will never forget, although it will stop hurting.
Give your mind and your heart a rest. Allow yourself to finally breathe. Put this guy in your past, keep your head up high and keep taking steps forward to where you’re meant to be. Your mind and your heart will thank you later.