A few years ago I met someone who, at the time, I had no idea would mean so much to me. She remains, to this day, a reminder of the spontaneity of life and an inspiration to live up to my own potential.
Let me begin by saying that most of us live by riding on the waves of destiny, fate or whatever the cosmos decide to throw our way. We flow towards the direction of what is convenient and act like all along it was part of a plan, that we have seized the day when at closer inspection, we have not. Without a concrete goal to strive for, we settle for crossing out one item at a time in a checklist made by other people and use that to measure our success. In the beginning, undoubtedly, it felt good.
She entered my life like a stray bullet. Sudden and unexpected, she was an outlier. Some called her a bitch, a fake, a weirdo. All of them were true. There was another word to describe her and everyone may not like it but they all have to agree that it is true. She was beautiful. Like the sun shining over a field of flowers, her warmth was welcome and soothing.
We had a great time together. Her infectious smile was enough to captivate both man and woman. Love her or hate her, no one will deny it, you will be moved to action by her. She was simple and direct, just hanging out with her will make you think you can do anything as long as you put in the time and the effort. Nothing felt like it was out of reach and everything seemed like they were so effortlessly falling into place.
Life came knocking at the door one day, reminding me that the night sky was on its way. Force majeure, he said. It was inevitable. An experience not different from that of falling from the sky happened to my heart. I froze to the suffocating pressure of the impending darkness, a life without my sun. Long story short, I broke… into a million pieces.
The inevitable happened and we ended. As sudden as her arrival, she disappeared in the same way. No words, no tears, no nothing. For several years, I basked in the darkness of a life unlit. Familiar faces turned into colorless silhouette. Once again, I began to recreate my checklist and continued where I left off. Pursuing goals that were no longer my passion, I soldiered through each day.
I focused on work that did not make me happy and did things that had no meaning to me. Waking up alone was the worst part of my day.
Several months went by without incident, then several years. I guess it’s clichéd for a reason but what they say about time is true. Now, my darkness is littered with hundreds of brightly shining stars. For all I know, you could be hiding among them. That is not important anymore.
As much as I will cherish the memories, I decided to make the most of the experience. You gave me my first glimpse of a life worth living – a life where I follow my own will in pursuit of goals unique to me alone.
When you left, it took me some time to realize, but it meant that the meaningful life I had in mind did not have to include you. You were an accessory, not a necessity. What we had was, perhaps, meant to be fleeting. A love meant for another lifetime.