Its been almost 3 months since we last spoke, but I’ve decided your decision was the strongest thing you could of done.
Love, its a funny old thing. Is it the key to happiness or the lock around sadness? I still haven’t worked that one out, but what I have worked out that resenting you for not choosing me was ridiculous.
I think it would have been a lot easier if it was just about sex, but in year we spent getting to know each other we never took it that far. We didn’t have too and that’s why it was so hard to let you go. In a way building up a relationship, that clearly means more than friendship without any physical acts is worse. If I had a girlfriend that cheated on me, I’d much prefer it to of been a drunken fumble than day dates, dinners and hours on the phone.
You captivated me in a way that no other girl has. Solely through companionship and conversation and for that I had the up most respect for you. It was crazy how much we were alike, we even held our cutlery the same way, in the wrong hands. But alas, after months of strengthening our bond and months of guilt on my end, it all came to an abrupt end.
It’s not so much I regret giving you the age old ultimatum of “me or him”, but rather the events that led after it. To this day I can remember the conversation word for word. “If you choose him, that’s fine, but i’m gone from your life, forever.” I refused to be the silver medal in our 21st century love triangle. What I do regret is how we ended, what I thought about you and how I acted.
It’s extremely easy to get caught up in the world of Hollywood, the internet and Johnny Depp quotes. “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t of fallen for the second.” This quote was my Gospel. I was so swept up in the love story’s portrayed to us in the media, I was upset, angry and felt cheated that I didn’t get mine.
And for that, I’m truly sorry. To be quite frank, all those things are bullshit. I was blinded by my resentment and my silver medal to see how strong you actually were. The easiest thing you could of done, was up sticks and leave to be with me. The grass is always greener right? That guy that bought you things, paid for dinner, that made it special every time you spent time together. The hardest, strongest most amazing thing you could of done, was to stick with the guy you argued with. The guy you lived with, Slept with. Hated and loved, the guy that made you cry or pushed you away only to bring you back in again.
The fact that you stuck to your commitments, and your not perfect relationship is a true testament to your character when your “happily ever after” had supposedly presented itself.
You are an incredibly strong and beautiful individual, and I have nothing but the up most respect now, for what you had to do. The grass is NOT always greener.
But, you will always be the one that got away.