1. Ordering off of the Kids Menu
Whoever decided that a kid’s meal should cost less than an adult meal must have been on drugs. Kids are usually not paying for their own meals, but rather by their working, middle-aged parent. I’m a broke college student. Give me my lemonade, chicken fingers, and ice cream for $4.99, please.
2. Homework Passes
Why do elementary school kids need homework passes? Are they too busy watching the latest episode of That’s So Raven? Because, Hey, I’m over here trying to get my life together. A homework pass would be nice once in a while. Plus, I’m hungover.
3. Gymnastics Birthday Parties
Around 7 years old or so, I watched a girl break her leg after landing the wrong way on the trampoline. At that age, bones are still fragile and growing, not to mention children are careless. Which is why it should be socially acceptable for college students to unwind after a long day of studying by drunkenly diving into a foam pit.
4. Justice Clothing
Ha ha. Just kidding.
5. Eating Popsicles in a Non-Sexual Manner
You know the ones I’m talking about—the cherry, orange, and grape. The firecrackers. The fudgesicles. Children can innocently suck on them (as well as get it all over their faces) without bothering anyone, while college students can’t enjoy a simple popsicle lick without a sexual comment being made. (We get it, it looks like a penis.)
6. Elementary School Class Parties
These are the most anticipated times of the year: the party before winter break, the Thanksgiving feast, the spring break festival. It’s every kid’s dream: junk food, party games, crafts, and more junk food. So I’m wondering…where are all of the “end of semester” parties for college students? I’d so be down for some funfetti cupcakes and homemade brownies (and NOT the ones from the dining hall).
In Kindergarten, I would have rather played with my Little Tikes kitchen set than snooze. Essentially, naptime cut into playtime, and that wasn’t going to fly. Well fast forward to now and, between studying, work, and maintaining a social life, “naptime” should DEFINITELY count for something (i.e. college credit, minimum wage, “cool” points).