To His Girlfriend:
I could address this letter with your name. But using those four letters would make you too real in my mind.
I could hand this letter to you. But that interaction would force me to look you in the eyes and see your blissful oblivion, maybe even a slight shimmer of love for him.
Or I could leave this letter here, where I don’t expect you’ll ever read it.
I’d like to think that here, maybe, this letter won’t scar your blissful eyes or damage your vulnerable feelings — because I never meant to hurt you. I know the way the world looks through eyes like those and the way life feels with feelings like those. Being in love is beautiful.
But the reality is that I already have hurt you. I hurt you the moment I said ‘yes’ when your boyfriend asked to kiss me five months ago.
He hasn’t had to ask since then — he knows. He sneaks me in once his roommates are gone and locks his bedroom door. He says how much he loves my tight jeans and leans down to kiss me. He takes off my shirt and gently pulls me toward his bed.
He does all that, but he hasn’t broken up with you. You continue to talk with, visit, and love him. Sometimes, when he’s asleep next to me — snoring — I wonder if he loves you too. In that moment, I can’t sleep.
There’s no denying that I know about you two. I wish I could play ignorant, but my rationale and realistic brain can’t believe him when he promises you two are having problems and that you’re not really together. Every other glimpse of evidence — friends, social media — point in the other direction. He looks so sincere when he’s betraying your trust. He looks like he’s only interested in exactly what’s in front of him — me. But I also can’t deny that I know I’m not the only other girl he’s seeing besides you. It’s hard to swallow his pile of bullshit, but it’s so easy to be wanted.
I’m not seeing him out of some malicious anger — and definitely not out of love. He wants me and sometimes that’s what I need. I need to be wanted, held, and touched, even if he’s just bidding his time until your next visit. There’s nothing more comforting than being wanted. Maybe that’s why you stay with him as well.
But sometimes, I think we both deserve more. Other times, I know I do.
The Other Woman