A Typical Work Day In The Life Of A Professional Procrastinator

5:00am: Your alarm clock goes off. Why? Because TODAY’S THE DAY you’re going to go to the gym before work! (Right after you hit snooze and sleep for 10 more minutes…)

5:10am: “Maybe if I just hit snooze one more time, I can still fit in a 40 minute workout…”

5:20am: “There’s no way I’m going to fit in a workout AND a shower now. Might as well just go back to bed…there’s always after work…”

6:45am: Your alarm goes off again. This time, because you actually have to wake up for work.

7:39: Pack up a quick lunch for yourself because you didn’t do it the night before (of course). One minute ’til you have to leave so pick up the first few things you can throw in a bag…yogurt, fruit…a slice of bread? Whatever, gotta go…

8:30am: Arrive at work. Check all emails and make a to-do list for the day so that you stay on track.

8:57am: “Well, maybe I’ll just check Facebook once…ya know, to make sure nobody I know got engaged or anything….”

9:10am: No engagement announcements, but it looks like that random girl from college had a great time in Vegas last week…50 pictures in and you almost feel like you were lounging beside her at the pool!

9:14am: “While I’m at it, might as well check all the usual spots before I buckle down on this workload. New tab: (news site of choice), new tab: bank account, new tab: favorite blog.”

9:17am: You’re not sure which is in worse shambles — the world or your bank account.

9:20am: Okay, time to GET. SHIT. DONE.

9:47am: Your best friend/significant other Gchats you. It’s all downhill from here.

10:00am: You minimize the Gchat window and start tackling that workload.

10:30am: “Wow, look at me being all #productive! Now is it too early to eat my yogurt…?”

10:45am: It definitely wasn’t too early to eat the yogurt.

11:00am: Prepare for meeting that starts at 11:30. Quickly scribble as many notes as you can and look through the chain of emails detailing the meeting’s focus.

11:30am: Finish preparing just in time. Attend said meeting. No problem convincing everyone you’ve been preparing all week. #professionalprocrastinatorproblems

12:30pm: 14 new emails since I last checked?!?!?! Read, delete, respond, delete, read, read, read, respond, delete…strike up conversation with coworker…half-read, delete…

1:00pm: “I don’t think a slice of bread is going to suffice for lunch, so…gotta head down the street to pick something up…”

1:30pm: “Okay, still got the whole afternoon to finish this list of things to do…”

2:17pm: “I wonder what’s new on my Instagram feed…”

3:00pm: You’ve checked off just over half of the things you needed to accomplish today! HELL YEAH. #ondatworkgrind

3:10pm: *answers work phone* “Yes, yes I can come up and teach the new intern how to use our content management system…sure….not a problem.” *hangs up* “FACK. What do these people think, I have NOTHING to do here?!”

3:12pm: “Oh hey the new intern’s kinda cute, though…”

3:25pm: You get back to your desk, wonder if it’s too weird to Facebook stalk the new intern, decide that it is, and then proceed to sort through your to-do list again. Procrastinators are really just people who work better under pressure…


4:15pm: “Wow. I feel so productive and accomplished. Who needs social media, anyway? NOT THIS KID. THIS KID IS A POWERHOUSE OF PRODUCTIVITY.”

4:20pm: HA. 420.

4:25pm: 35 minutes and still 3 tasks to complete…ready, set, GO!!!!

5:00pm: JUST IN TIME! Who said I’m easily distracted? I’m on fiiiiyaaaaa. #cantstopwontstop

5:15pm: “When I get home, I am totally going to the gym.”

5:25pm: WHAT? My best friend texted me to go to happy hour? Hm..happy hour or gym happy hour or gym….well, I can always go to the gym tomorrow, right? Where those 3 dolla beers at…

8:45pm: Arrive home, because happy hour never lasts just one hour. “I should really make my lunch, and better yet, let me set my alarm for 5:00 because TOMORROW’S THE DAY I go to the gym…”

8:46pm: Asleep. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

featured image – The Office

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