I’m tired of looking at Facebook. Why do I do it? I basically never post anything out of fear that I’ll appear vain. Or out of fear of actually being vain. I can’t think of a single reason to post anything that isn’t ‘I want to impress people with some aspect of my life’.
Do I want to use my Facebook wall to communicate and connect with people I’m ‘friends’ with? Nope. Absolutely not. Doesn’t make any sense to. ‘Posting’ something is an inherently one sided conversation. I don’t stand at the front of a room and yell out how my day was to everyone. That’s not how you talk to other people. Social media is fucking weird.
So why am I on it? Why why why why? I’m drawn to staring at profiles of the people who are the most self-obsessed. Who are trying the hardest. It’s so shameless–how do they do it? Why are they so impressed with themselves? Are they actually impressed with themselves?
I dislike them, I’m repulsed by them, and I can’t look away. I’m obsessed with their self-obsession. They are an exaggerated form of what every single person is on social media.
So many people’s lives boil down to this self-conscious presentation of who they are, and online it’s so painfully, horrifically evident. How boring are we. How sad. How fragile. We spend so much of our time, maybe all of it, trying to gain peoples shallow approval, and our own approval, by looking attractive, fun, adventurous. By making sure we look like we’re doing life right.
When we do something cool, we have to make sure to record it because that’s what it’s ABOUT. Is your sky diving trip about the experience, or is it about telling people about the experience? I went skydiving so that afterwards, I could tell people about it! If you react by implying that I must be living life to the fullest, I will feel good about myself and how I spend my time. And I need that.
Well, I don’t want to need that. I don’t want to fall into this trap that I see so many people ensnared in. Please, please, I want to figure out a better way to like myself.