Thought Catalog

A Mixtape For My Future Wife

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I’m getting married in two weeks. I know this, because everyone keeps telling me so. They say things like “The big day’s right around the corner, eh?” And they ask me, “Are you getting nervous yet?”

No, not yet, I say.

“Just relax. You’ll get through this.”

And I reaffirm that I’m not nervous. Though sometimes, I am annoyed…

Work’s been hell lately, and the last thing I want to do when I get home is talk about seating arrangements or the prices of individual appetizers or whether or not I’m sure I’m okay with doing mini-pies instead of a traditional wedding cake (I’m sure).

My fiancée doesn’t give me the big doe eyes when I groan. She doesn’t say things like “Babe, this is the most important day of our lives we’re talking about here…” She doesn’t do these things because she is not some archetype, and we don’t live in a rom-com.

Instead, she looks at me with a tired expression and I realize that work’s been hell for her too. I understand that the last thing she wants to do right now is remind me that we need to go to Nordstrom Rack this weekend to look for ties for the groomsmen.

It’s in these moments that I snap back to reality and get that we are in this together. I remember that I adore her. So I apologize if I’ve snapped – if I’ve said anything to imply that this is just a wedding and I am just a man and I don’t care about these things.

I tell her that I care about the spreadsheets with the names of our guests and the hotels they’re staying at… with the formulas calculating approximately how much each person might drink over the course of five hours… and a separate tab with all the pricing info for food, makeup, flowers, etc.

I tell her that I care about her itemized folders containing receipts, pertinent legal documents and other sundries. Not to mention the countless e-mails she’s sent to photographers that went unanswered… as well as those that churned up replies like “Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Our packages start at $7,000…”

I tell her that I care because I do. And I feel foolish for being even the slightest bit frustrated when asked if I own a pair of shoes that match my new suit (I don’t). I feel doubly foolish when I consider the only thing I am actually “in charge of” is the music – a responsibility I was given because my fiancée knew it was the one job I might actually enjoy.

So when I sit down to work on our cocktail hour and dinner playlists, I set out with one specific goal: to create a mixtape for my future wife. A mixtape full of songs she’ll like; songs that have nothing to do with the trivialities of our wedding… and everything to do with why I asked her to marry me in the first place.

It starts with “I’m in Love” by Wilson Pickett. Because I most certainly am.

My friends all wonder what’s come over me

I’m as happy as a man can be

I’m in love

I’m in love

Later comes “If I Should Fall Behind” by Bruce Springsteen (one of her favorites).

We said we’d walk together, baby come what may

That come the twilight, should we lose our way

If as we’re walking a hand should slip free

I’ll wait for you

And should I fall behind

Wait for me

As we take our seats: “Always a Use” by Madeleine Peyroux.

Maybe ain’t no use in sayin’ what I want it to be

Maybe ain’t no use in playin’ a tune

Maybe ain’t no use in singin’ my blues

But there’s always a use in you and me

And as we talk and laugh amongst our closest friends: “Darling Be Home Soon” by The Lovin’ Spoonful.

My darling be home soon

I couldn’t bear to wait an extra minute if you dawdled

My darling be home soon

It’s not just these few hours but I’ve been waiting since I toddled

For the great relief of having you to talk to

My hope is that she will hear this music and smile – and know how much I love her. Even moreso: that she doesn’t think about my ten-month cycle of complaining about how much weddings cost, apologizing, complaining, apologizing, and so on. TC mark

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    • http://twitter.com/macabrecadabra terryl quixote

      Nice, dude.  That was really heartwarming.

    • ch333ze

      fuck yeah!

    • Caroline T

      very sweet

    • BAM!!

      i loved this, you seem like you’re gonna be an awesome husband

    • gmc

      very sweet!

    • saritapatrice

      This made me happy.

    • Juan

      This post made me want to call my girlfriend, just to tell her that I love her.
      Thank you, a very beautiful and inspiring post :)

      Best of luck!

    • hannah

      This is so lame.

    • meg

      aww. This is a nice change from the usual thought catalog posts. Not that I don’t like ‘the usual thought catalog posts’ just as much…this was just a nice change. :)

    • cc

      This was soo sweet :) 

    • http://karyninny.com/ karyn

      really sweet. i wanted to kill everyone who said, “aren’t you SOOOOO EXCITED?” over and over again before i got married. blergh. do this for sure: take a beat on your wedding day and soak up all of the people in that room together with you. this is everyone in your life and your wife’s life who are important to you. friends and family from near and far. it’s likely that the only other time all of these people will be together is at your funeral. so enjoy this day, because you’re alive this time around, and they are all there to celebrate you and the fact that you found love.

    • Anonymous

      I LOVE THIS (caps are necessary)

      edit: just saw you live in WPB. i was born/used to live there. i estimate the demographic as 1 million old people and you.

      • http://twitter.com/AlexMoschina Alex Moschina

        That’s pretty spot-on. Coming from Metro Detroit myself, I’ve experienced a fair share of culture shock (I had never even heard of a “Silver Alert”).

        Anyway, thanks!

    • Anonymous

      This is so sweet! I wish you a happy life

    • India

      1st time Ive actually been moved to comment on one of these posts. Thank you. That was beautiful. Your wife is a lucky woman.

    • Anonymous

      OHMYGOD. You’re the sweetest and most thoughtful man! Congratulations to you and your future wife. Best of luck to you two!! :’] this seriously made me happy. 

    • Sophia

      This was so, so, so sweet. I want a fiancé like you someday.

    • Anonymous

      You’re such a sweetie, I sincerely hope that you have a lovely life :)

    • tudorqueeny

      god you are such a sweetheart!:) Congrats! 

    • samanthaphoebe

      …Is anyone else really disappointed that this guy’s taken?

    • MonL

      I hope one day to find a guy like you

    • Guest

      lay lady lay – bob dylan!! where is ittt

    • http://twitter.com/HeinzYee Heinz Yee

      i am getting married on saturday and am going through the same things you mentioned.

      i was making her a mixtape and was short a few songs…so went online for inspiration. glad i came across your post.

      nice.

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