I started 2017 with the resolution: put yourself out there. I wanted to join the dating scene and go on as many dates as possible. It’s 2017, so the easiest way my millennial-self thought to accomplish this goal was via dating app. I used them in the past but now I was serious…seriously wrong about my expectations. I initially went into it feeling excited and eager but I was naïve and ended up feeling demeaned and faithless. My dating experience is very synonymous with how 2017 has started.
1. No Shame
Guys have no shame. They don’t even wait to get your Snapchat username or number to start sending you dick pics. Is it really that hard (pun intended) to have a conversation that isn’t wrapped around (yes, another pun intended) your dick? Since all the guys put their height in their bios, I could have conducted a study on the male height to dick size ratio.
PSA: Dick pics do not, ever, turn girls on. Ever. Ever.
2. They Recycle Dick Pics
The dick pics were not IRL. I called out a guy
Pictures: Quality < Quantity
For this being the digital era, the picture quality was in dire need of Valenica or the Snapchat beauty filter. How am I supposed to judge whether I want to swipe left or right when the only pictures he has are with a group of people, with sunglasses on or from 10 years ago?
3. The Bio Formula
All bios consisted of the following: height, vague job description, the cities they’ve lived in/been to, who the girls and children are in their pictures, “down to earth guy,” and a witty, sarcastic phrase that distinguished them from the rest of the pack. Mine was “I have never watched, Netflix, had Nutella or a pumpkin spice latte.”
Update: I have since watched Netflix.
4. The Majority Of The Guys Didn’t Answer My Message
However, the rest complained that the girls don’t reach out.
5. Small Talk And Small-minded
More often than not, the guys used this app as a way to find out if their fantasies and sexual preferences matched yours. Kudos for maximizing on technology to get your booty calls right in the palm of your hands. They were not shy (no shame) about playing games. Before they even asked what I did for work, guys asked me, “So how many people have you been with,” “What’s your fantasy,” “Are you into anal,” or “What’s the craziest thing you’ve done?” I soon realized that they were not interested in first dates and getting to know each other but only in sexual fantasies and favors.
6. The Hookups Aren’t Worth It
I thought I was being a modern woman by putting myself out there via a dating app. I felt especially savvy when guys wanted to meet up, however that good feeling did not last long. All they wanted was a hook up and it was always one and done. I mean, why continue with the same girl when you can have a number of girls within miles of you and your phone? Instead of a modern woman, I felt like a modern prostitute.
7. Neither Are The Dates
For me personally, I was a one and done dater. I went on one date total and I never want to experience the awkwardness of a blind date again. It was excruciating. I felt like I had stalked the shit out of them, met them for the first time and then had to act like I didn’t know them (which is exactly what I did). Obviously, we met in a public place but all I could think during the date was “Oh God people are rubbernecking watching this train wreck” and “Ugh I really wish I was in sweatpants watching the Real Housewives right now.”
I may have deleted the app but I’m still finding ways to work on myself and put myself out there, sans dick pics, cheesy bios, and swiping right.