You Were There, And Then You Weren’t

We had planned a life together. A wedding date was set. We knew where we were going to live, that we were each other’s partner in crime, that this was something spectacular. We had the kind of love that people wish for, dream about their entire lives.

And then you were gone.

It’s a funny thing, thinking, truly believing, that you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone only having them walk out on you without so much as an explanation or a goodbye. All of the good times are shaded in the background, replaced with the kind of sadness that takes over your entire body, the kind that leaves a giant lump in your throat, the kind that makes you want to scream, wishing that something, anything, would come and take this hurt away.

Left with so many unanswered questions — why? Wasn’t I enough? What did I do wrong? We were fine and then we weren’t…when you up and left without saying a single word. No curt text, no phone call (you were never good at those anyway), no proverbial knock on the door. Where do I go from here? How does someone throw away years of their life? How do you take charge and start picking up the very small, very broken pieces of your heart, your life? How long is the appropriate relationship mourning period? Questions that will remain unanswered, answers buried deep in the depths of your soul, answers that I will never be able to get.

It’s a struggle to wake up each morning, look out at the horizon and know that you’re out there, somewhere, looking at that same blue sky and knowing that you’ve been able to move on so damn easily. A challenge for me, that’s for sure – but not impossible.

I’m not the only one who has felt like this, and I won’t be the last. One day, I know that I’ll wake up and the sky will seem bluer, colored with the kind of sunshine that beams down on your face and makes you feel alive. Until then, I’ll continue to hope that you are happy, that you’ve found what you are looking for and that someday, you will look back on our time together with fondness.

Someday, I will, too. TC mark

featured image – Bronx

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