When Self-Love Is Lacking

Why do you hate yourself enough to call yourself ugly? Why do you listen to other people so much that you can’t see your own beauty?

You always perceive others to be beautiful, charming, presentable, deserving, but you rarely see yourself the same way. It’s not every single day that you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and tell yourself that you like what you are seeing. Perhaps you do, perhaps you don’t. Maybe it’s the freckles, or the uneven skin-tone, or your flat nose, or maybe it’s that smile of yours that you keep on belittling because a boy in your class once told you that it sucked. Maybe you are noticing your stretch-marks too much, or maybe you hate your teeth a lot. But what makes it truly acceptable to hate on yourself while look at others with pleasure?

You turn on the TV and read magazines about how hot celebrities are and how “perfect” their life is. You stalk your ex-boyfriend’s new beau just to prove yourself how right he is for ditching you. You dress up like other people so they will accept you, and you look for society’s approval without seeking for your own.

Our previous experiences determine the actions and feelings that we act and feel today. Being called ugly in class is not a pretty thing, neither is being dumped. Having your own parents disregard you despite your best efforts to please them is not easy too. Even auditioning for a role and giving it your best shot and still failing will make you feel like shit. All these experiences can make your self-esteem go from Wiz Khalifa high down to the lowest possible feeling. But later in your life, you will realize that every scar, every insult, every heartbreak, every punch in your heart is life’s way of telling you that you are not perfect, and that is okay.

It’s easy to tell somebody “Love yourself”, but when they ask you how, you stutter. You begin asking yourself the same question and slowly seek for an answer. How do you love yourself when all you see are flaws, shortcomings, faults and imperfections? It begins with acceptance. Accepting that you are not perfect will be one of the most difficult but relieving realizations that you will ever have. If you were born and made to be perfect, wouldn’t that be scary? That only means that there is no more room for improvement. You already are perfect, what else is there to change?

Everyone is unique in their own way and everyone has their own flaws. We are living in a generation where other people’s opinions about you should not matter more than yours do. Just because others cannot see the beauty that is in you doesn’t mean that you have to be blind about it too.

One of the keys to a happy life is to love. The only way to give love is to have it. The only way to have it is to receive it. And when others fail to give it to you, know that you have the privilege to give it to yourself. Love comes from within. It is far from being greedy, selfish and vain, because despite the things that brought you pain, your love for yourself should always remain. Let no name calling, bullying or criticizing outshine the beauty that is in you. Because your existence glows. You just have to see it first, and eventually, others will see it too. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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