Facebook Is Like The Stock Market

Facebookers + (Stock)brokers = Facebrokers
Shutterstock
Shutterstock

Facebookers are brokers, and our profiles are our portfolios.

The Messenger app dings and Facebrokers start trading messages privately. We exchange photos and Facebook stickers (of bears but not bulls). On The Wall (Timeline as of 2011), we trade Shares and Likes publicly. Insider trading occurs when a Facebroker likes their own post or asks friends to.

In 2012, Facebook cut off Credits, its virtual currency. Still, Likes are like currency. A like is a vote for a Facebook post and its Facebroker. It encourages more of the same behavior.

Facebrokers build social capital. We stock up on and stalk friends, and form bonds with groups and networks. But we tend to take each other at face value and sometimes sell each other short.

Facebrokers follow what’s Trending and keep an eye on the Ticker.

We list our securities and insecurities on Facebook. Some insecure Facebrokers even have joint Facebook accounts.

We buy and sell on Facebook Marketplace—or so we did in 2007.

When Facebook crashes, mass hysteria ensues. Millions of Facebrokers can’t update their profiles and millions of Likes are at stake!

At the end of day, Facebrokers can go Home on Android devices. TC mark

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