I Do Not Deserve This Rollercoaster Ride Of A Relationship

woman standing near pink smoke
Nikola Jovanovic / Unsplash

I should not have to consistently word my texts in a way that begs for a reply.

I should not have to wonder if you’ll answer every time I send a message.

I should not have to think for days in advance about what to say to you, just to be sure that it’s exactly what you want to hear.

I should not have to beg for your attention or beg to try to get a measly text back from you.

I should not have to work tirelessly day in and day out to decode the endless mixed signals I get from you.

I should not have to be on a high because you treat me like your queen only to turn around the next day and treat me like a peasant on the street.

I should not be blaming myself for ‘not being enough for you’ when I am beyond enough.

I should not be your second choice. Or third. Or fourth.

I should not be the one for you when everything isn’t going the way you want, but seem to be a burden when the rest of your world is perfect.

I should not be endlessly trying to give the world to you, and then questioning if you’d even lift a finger for me.

I should not be at the end of all your finger pointing when you have yet to acknowledge how two sided our relationship is.

I should not be a day to day choice.

I should not always be here for you when I wonder if you’d be here for me.

I should not be left to wonder what went wrong, because it was never like this before.

I should not be so in love with you when you take me on an endless rollercoaster ride.

And yet I am. TC mark

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