Be The Fuck Alone

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Matic Kozinc / Unsplash

I was talking to a friend the other day and she was lamenting how she can’t seem to attract the right guy. She said that she was also afraid of being alone.

She told me how she was successful in her career, that she had her own car and how she felt she was physically attractive too.

Yet, she was only attracting a bunch of low-quality dudes who texted her creepy messages. It was like as if life wasn’t fair to her.

I guess the lamentation is normal. Even I’ve been guilty of it. I’d wonder before, like why is it my past relationships were not successful (the breakups were not easy) and that I seemed to attract the dramatic type of girl, one who was always emotional and beyond reason why it came to solving problems like an adult.

And more often than not, we try to solve this problem the wrong way.

We deny that being alone can be a good thing as we think that the problem can be solved by chasing and hunting for the next squeeze.

This is when you start to work on the superficial factors of your life just to place yourself in front of them. You try to make money to look like you’re rich. You work hard at your job to show people you’ve status. You act manly. You buy a car to show that you’re successful, or whatever.

Or hell, maybe you intentionally show up at a bunch of random places that supposedly have hot singles congregating over there, like at yoga classes or something.

But it still doesn’t work, although you come with good intentions.

You feel like you’re trying too hard. You keep wondering and lamenting then. Eventually, you start to think that there’s something wrong with you.

No, my friends. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just approaching it wrong.

This is what you need to do: Just be the fuck alone.

Because being alone can be awesome.

Yep. Just be alone. Don’t be with anyone. Don’t aim for relationships. Don’t aim to attract this or that person.

Now, this isn’t some hipster idea of exploring your introverted nature where you start to meditate, indulge in your art, explore your spirituality, smoke weed, and shit, and then hope to become a better person.

It’s simply being alone.

And a lot of cool things can happen when you practice the art of being alone.

1) When you’re being alone, you start giving a shit about yourself

When was the last time you gave a shit about yourself?

No seriously, when?

When was the last time you did something truly for yourself? When was the last time you sat down and said, “These things in front of me, are for me”? When was the last time you stop giving a fuck about what others think?

A long time? That’s bad. Really bad.

Do something for yourself already. Start being a little selfish and give a shit about your life. Say ‘no’ when you actually want to. Work on projects you’ve left hanging. Start with your new idea. Try out that new thing that caught your eye.

2) When you’re being alone, you start becoming more confident

Because you started giving a shit about yourself by doing things you want. Plain and simple. You embrace who you are willingly too, even the bad things about yourself.

With the new things you’ve been doing for yourself, you gain confidence. You get to know you have a place in society because you’ve created an identity for yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you didn’t become rich or famous from whatever it is you did just yet. It’s about doing something on your own, for yourself, so much so you can say, “I did all of that by myself. That is all me baby. I ain’t no coward!”

And with this new-found confidence…

3) When you’re being alone, people will recognize your growth and evolution

In other words, you’ve become charismatic. Through that, you’ll earn the admiration and respect of the people around you.

To put it in a superficial level, it’s like exercising and working out a lot more. From that, you get ripped. You look healthier. You look more confident in the way you walk as your muscles speak for itself. People will easily notice that.

But if we go deeper, people will recognize how happy, confident, and fulfilled you’ve become from the things you’ve been doing to explore and enhance your growth. People can tell. People can see through that. (Conversely, people can also tell if you’re trying too hard, in this case, with wanting to be with someone. That is not attractive. Period.)

People will be attracted to that!

People want to be near that! Why?

Because believe it or not, most of us are not happy.

Why? Because most of us are lonely.

We aren’t used to being alone. That’s the ironic truth.

And they’re going to want to be with someone who they feel can make them happy and grow as a person.

This is how you truly attract the right person in life.

So if you’re feeling lonely and frustrated today, wondering why you’re attracting a bunch of losers, it’s time to start being the fuck alone.

Don’t work too hard just so you can impress others. It rarely ever works that way. Even if it does, you’ll be spending a lot of time worrying and stressing yourself out wondering if they’ll leave you after that should you stop doing the things you’ve done just to win them over.

It’s a lot better to simply work on yourself, attract the right person automatically and be happy together knowing that you two have natural chemistry.

So, you ready to start being alone? TC mark

Alden Tan

I love to write. And I'm a B-Boy.

67 Inspirational Quotes For When You Need A Push In The Right Direction ✨

“The softest love you will ever have has always been hidden in the inside, the marrow of your own bones.” — Nikita Gill

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”— Richard Bach

“Your soul knows what to do to heal itself; the challenge is just to let it.” — Brianna Wiest

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I love to write. And I'm a B-Boy. Follow Alden on Twitter or read more articles from Alden on Thought Catalog.