When it comes to relationships, getting over the love of your life can feel like you’ve had your heart split in two (and then shoved into a blender). I’ve only ever experienced that once, but it was enough for me to feel like I’d rather stay single forever than ever have to go through that again.
I questioned everything about myself, I reread texts, I googled the signs, and I dissected every single part of that relationship trying to figure out where things went sour. I felt trapped in a sea of tears, upset over the little things and wondering every damn day why the hell he didn’t call (even though I told him to never fucking talk to me again). I could not possibly compare that feeling to anything else, and getting over him was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Maybe I’m dramatic, but it was definitely no treat.
I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but without space, it only gets harder. Gluing yourself to your phone, rewatching his Instagram stories on a Saturday night or flicking through pictures of your holiday in Byron Bay whilst downing half a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, will not help you move on. The only way to truly get over someone is to accept that it’s a thing of the past and that it’s no longer your future.
I wish I could tell you a five-step plan on how to get over him, but unfortunately, time is the only thing on your side. There is no way for us to know what goes on inside other people’s heads (although it sure as hell would make life so much easier). Sometimes you’ll never understand why people do the things they do or how someone can wake up and tell you that they’ve fallen out of love, but you’re stronger than letting it defeat you.
It is normal to hurt, to feel lost and confused and like you can’t cope. It is normal to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself, but now that it is over, there is no point torturing yourself with the idea of a rekindled future, reminiscing on the good times and forgetting that there was a reason why your relationship ended. Stop picturing your wedding by the coastline or that dog he promised to buy you by Christmas (or the fact that his family adores you), because that will only make you feel worse. You’re allowed to sit in self-pity for a little while, but just don’t let it swallow you whole.
I want you to know that it is okay to be emotional and wish you’d never met him. I still have my moments too, but one day you will meet someone who worships the ground you walk on and you will realize that somewhere along the way you stopped caring about him and his stupid smile.
Everyone has moments of weakness — we are only human. Sometimes it takes real heartbreak to realize that when it feels like time stops, perspective is everything. Remember that things happen for a reason, which is why I always view every experience as a lesson. Acknowledge your relationship for what it was in light of its darkness and remember that by its ending, it only means something better is coming your way. You deserve so much more than someone who thinks they can waltz into your life and leave whenever they please. In times that bring back hard feelings, shake off the hurt and take it as a reminder that men like that don’t deserve a woman like you. Know that you will be happy and you will find yourself again even in moments of doubt.
My dear friend Dunia once said to me, “You never really stop loving someone, you just learn to love someone even more.” The thought terrified me because I wanted nothing more than to move on. Know that it hurts now, but it won’t forever.
If there is one thing I’ve learned, it is to seek comfort in your friends and family. Don’t isolate yourself, because there’s nothing worse. Leaving the house when all I wanted to do was crawl across my living room to the refrigerator and back was the best thing I ever did. Distract yourself, socialize, go out for lunch and detox, but most importantly, talk about how you feel. Bring normalcy back into your life when you feel like it’s falling apart around you. Read articles and books and talk to other women because the most comforting thing is knowing that you’re not alone.
In the first few weeks, when you feel like you’re drowning, I urge you to write a list of things that make you happy and make sure you do at least one of those things a day. Don’t let him stop you from living. Unfortunately, heartbreak, like many things, is just the way of life. Surround yourself with good people and do what makes YOU happy. Make sure you are your priority, and slowly but surely, you will begin to feel like your old self again.
Remember: you are a warrior and a beautiful being. And don’t ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.
To the beautiful women who have taken their time to write to me, to the girls commenting on my posts, to my dearest friends that have been through hell and back, and to any woman nursing a broken heart, you will be okay again.