It’s the fear of not knowing, wondering if your deepest insecurities was the thing to scare him off.
It’s the moment your heart drops when you’ve been left on “read” because they don’t have any obligations to reply to you if they aren’t in the mood for it.
It’s the anger you feel when he cancels on you last minute for the 500th time or when you wake up and see you’ve been blocked without an explanation.
It’s the hurt coursing through your veins when enjoying a lazy Sunday, only to find out on Instagram that your Mr. Casual has found himself a Miss Right.
It’s the fear of whether you’ve shown too much emotion or erected too many walls or that he knows how you really feel.
It’s constantly being in denial about your feelings because “you knew what this was” from the very beginning, and if you express them he’ll throw that in your face.
Or whether while you are at home on a Tuesday night waiting for him to reply to your text, he’s out fucking another girl. They tell you they don’t want a relationship until, next thing you know, he’s out three days in a row with the same girl appearing in his Snapchats.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the words, “I’m just looking for something casual.” In the three years of meeting men through dating apps, it’s all been the same. They initiate good conversation, flatter you with intelligence and then hit you with the reality. On the cusp of learning more than a first name and age, it is often made explicitly clear that they really do want you, just for one night, once or twice every few months, with no strings attached. I have fallen for this trap more times than I can count, and how does it end? With me sitting on my bed, feeling absolutely horrible about myself and wondering where I went wrong.
If you’re dating online and not sure what you’re looking for, I can only give you one piece of advice: don’t settle for a casual relationship if you can’t handle the reality of one. I had this idea pinned in my head for way too long that they were a routine hookup, made once a week, with someone you could call a friend. However, there is more stress about crossing an invisible line than there is actual sex. No matter how attractive they are or how much you’re clinging onto the hope of it turning into something more, he will not change his mind. I see friends cry over their casual flings and always blame themselves. It’s as though, once we are disappointed, all of our insecurities outpour and the arrow points directly to us not being good enough. But the truth is that once a decision has been made and you have been branded as casual, you will only be seen as a body to fuck on their terms.
So, save yourself the heartache, and if he tells you he wants a casual relationship, RUN!