You are an alpha bitch, a born dictator, the leader of the pack, and I will go out on a limb here to predict that you will be the first female president—in fact, I guarantee it! When you walk in the room, people get out of the way. When you tell them to jump, they ask, “How high?”—while they’re midair! If people know what’s good for them, they’ll just step out of your way. But a lot of people don’t know what’s good for them, which is why you have to step on them while you climb all the way to the top.
You can read people like a cheap paperback novel. You call the shots and pick the spots. If your squad gets lost in the woods, you’re the one to lead them out. People are drawn to you for your elegance, your charm, and the wise-beyond-your-years look in your eyes. I rarely say this, but I would have no problems taking orders from you.
It’s not like you exactly want to lead, it’s that you have to. After all, this is a world full of dumbasses! It feels like everyone around you is always going in slow-motion, so of course you’re going to move to the head of the crowd and clear a wide-open path for yourself. And people pick up on the fact that you drip with self-assurance, so usually, you don’t even have to push them out of the way. You even have a sweet way of making the poison go down. If you ever want to become a millionaire, become a dominatrix.
You don’t like to be told what to do, but you’re not such an obstinate rebel that you’ll ignore good advice or give attitude to someone who can help you get ahead in life. You know how to use others—both their strengths and weaknesses—to get what you want. But since you know exactly what you want while so many others are clueless, you naturally wind up in the leader’s position sooner or later.
Whether you’re a leader or a follower depends on where the other person stands in the pecking order compared to you. You take orders from everyone older than you and give orders to everyone younger than you. You follow everyone who’s richer and look down at every who’s poorer. You obey the beautiful and issue commands to the ugly. You worship power and scoff at weakness. In short, you take your cues based on whether the other person is a natural leader or a born follower.
You can go either way. You don’t care for giving orders or taking orders. If the choice is “lead, follow, or get out of the way,” you’d definitely prefer to get out of the way. But as a general rule, you’ll bow to someone who can do you a favor or get you ahead in life, while you’ll instantly rebel against any loser who wants to boss you around just to be an asshole.
You will carry water for those who are stronger than you until you start to get weary, at which point you will hand the water off to someone weaker than you. You will take orders from a boss so long as the boss is polite and clean, but you will ignore orders if the boss is mean and has bad breath. If you like them, you have no problem following them. But if you hate them, you will find a way to fuck up their lives forever.
You’ll follow, but only if the person’s worth following. You’ll lead, but only if no one else is willing or able to do it. You are very loyal to your friends and loved ones. If it’s good for the group, you will follow obediently. But if it’s not good for the group, you will take the reins and lead your group to the promised land.
You’ll take the lead in rare cases—like, oh, say you’re in the passenger’s seat and the driver suddenly falls asleep and you’re headed toward a giant boulder…in that case, sure, you’ll grab the wheel and take the lead. But you’d prefer if the driver had just stayed awake. You’d rather be a passenger than a driver. It’s easier.
Why would you want to lead others? Don’t people realize what a massive responsibility that would be? I mean, if you have servants, that means you have to feed and clothe them and make sure they’re healthy—and who needs all that pressure? As you see it, being a leader would be exhausting. That’s why in most cases, you will kowtow to others just to keep the peace.
You are an employee, never an employer. A member of the choir, but never a soloist. You’re always in the audience, but never on the stage. You can’t even get your own act together, so you’re not going to become a leader of others anytime soon. But that’s OK—you’d rather watch the movie than direct it, anyway. It’s less stressful.
Perfectly content to be a doormat, you are submissive, subservient, servile, obsequious, compliant, deferential, and a whole bunch of other words I just looked up in the thesaurus. At a four-way stop sign, you wait until all other cars pass first. At an office birthday party, you are always the last person to take a piece of cake. Instead of being a dictator, you’re more likely to take dictation—for the dictator.