Confession: I have been a womanizer for a long time, so I know something about womanizers in general.
With that in mind, here are my best pieces of advice for single women about identifying and interacting with men like me:
1. There’s a difference between players and cheaters.
There are two types of womanizers: players and cheaters. One should be respected and the other should remain despised. There is an old saying, “Don’t hate the player; hate the game.” There is a lot of lighthearted validity to that adage.
I distinguish players from cheaters because players have multiple female sex partners and they are upfront and honest with women about their desire to be sexually satisfied by more than one woman (beware the infamous ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement!). This type of womanizer does not try to hide, deny or camouflage the fact that monogamy is just not his thing. Always appreciate men who are honest with women about their promiscuous desires.
Cheaters interact sexually with multiple women under false pretenses. They present a facade of wanting to be involved in a long-term, monogamous relationship with one woman, but deep-down they want variety in their sex lives.
I have no respect for liars, manipulative game players, adulterers and cheaters. I simply do not like the idea of toying with someone’s emotions.
2. Most men are only as faithful as their options allow.
While I would not say that this assertion is 100 percent valid, it is valid more often than not. With that, I have three points to make.
First, if you are a woman and you think a man is handsome, sexy, charming and worth dating, there is a HUGE chance that dozens, if not hundreds of other women feel the exact same way about him. Women will literally compete with one another to secure this man’s companionship.
Second, if a man develops a reputation for being very exciting and satisfying in bed with women, his “stock” is going to rise in the eyes of many women. No woman wants a man who is a “dud” in bed.
Third, it is very easy for a man to be faithful to one woman when he only has one woman offering him regular sexual companionship. But when a man has five, ten, fifteen or twenty-plus women offering him sexual companionship, it is much harder for a man to remain motivated to have sex with just one woman.
3. The side-chick rarely becomes the long-term girlfriend.
Once you allow yourself to be relegated to the role of a man’s “mistress,” “woman-on-the-side,” “jumpoff” or “booty call,” there is a large chance you will never be upgraded to the role of “wife” or “long-term girlfriend.”
I just had this discussion with a female friend recently. There are a number of women who naively think if they start out as a man’s “sexual play toy,” sooner or later they will earn the right to be “upgraded” to that man’s wife, or long-term romantic partner. That is highly doubtful … not impossible, but extremely rare.
As a woman, you must familiarize yourself with what is known as the “Madonna-Whore Complex.” I always tell women that understanding this concept first developed by legendary psychologist Dr. Sigmund Freud is the absolute first step to understanding why many men choose some women as long-term monogamous sex partners while interacting with other women only as short-term non-monogamous sex partners.
Without getting too lengthy here, I will give you the very short-version: Most men want to date and marry women who remind them of their mothers. I cannot tell you how many men I know right now who are married or involved in a long-term relationship with a woman who has one or more similar attributes to that man’s mother.
If you remind a man of his mother, to one degree or another, that is when his conscious or subconscious mind places you in the category of “girlfriend” or “wife” material. If the primary quality that stands out about you is your sex appeal and nothing else, then nine times out of ten, that man is only going to look at you as “casual sex” material.
If it is truly your desire as a woman to be a man’s future wife or girlfriend, then the worst thing you can do is start off being that man’s “mistress” or “woman-on-the-side” while he is currently involved with someone else. You automatically lose respect in that man’s eyes. The chances of him ever upgrading you to the status of his number-one romantic companion are slim.
4. You can’t change a womanizer.
So, from this point forward, stop telling your girlfriends, “I hate men! All of them are lying womanizers, cheaters and dogs!!” That is not the whole truth. Accept the fact that if a man possesses a lot of highly desirable attributes, his romantic and sexual companionship is going to be in demand. The best thing for you to do as a woman is to ask him what his long-term desires, interests and intentions are.
Remember: As long as a womanizer is honest with you about what type of sexual relationship he wants … don’t hate the player. Only hate the game-playing of liars and cheaters.