Let’s be real, dating in your 20s is tough. Now throw in technology on top of that? Dating is essentially impossible to navigate through. So here I am (convinced by my friends) to guide you through the good, the bad and the ugly of our (secret) love of dating apps.
I have an absolute love hate relationship with all things dating apps. There was a time where I can proudly – yet slightly embarrassingly – admit that I belonged to nine dating apps at once. NINE. Now that’s a lot of time in the bathroom. (Whoever doesn’t poo and Tinder is doing it all wrong). My best of the best girlfriends compare my life to a revolving door of fuckboys, which automatically makes me an expert in the technological dating world that is dating apps.
Now, some might agree with me, some might not even know what these apps are, but here are my rankings of the worst to the best dating apps out there.
The good: I experienced the worst of the worst for you, so you don’t have to.
The Bad: Run and hide kids, RUN. AND. HIDE. Anyone and everyone can look at your profile, message you, and let me tell you, they are RUTHLESS. Some of these guys are so persistent, it’s unbearable. One even went to the lengths of copying and pasting Take Your Time lyrics by Sam Hunt and changing them slightly to make it applicable to meeting over OkCupid. Endearing? Slightly. Creepy? Extremely.
The Ugly: No offense if you’re on the app, but there aren’t too many attractive people on here. (Not that I’ve deemed attractive – beauty is in the eye of the beholder!)
The good: Match people, message people, like people, and request a date with a person. So many options to meet all the people!
The Bad: Your phone might actually explode. Like, actually, it will explode in your hands. Within a week of having this app, I think I liked 10 people, and 300 people liked me, and I got a notification, for every. SINGLE. ONE. No more buzz buzz bitch, I know you’re there!
The Ugly: Where the good lookin’ people at?!? Oh, doing adult things and meeting in a real setting? No thanks; I’d rather stay in my house with my dog, a bottle of wine, and no pants.
The Good: Seriously the best app to have when you’re bored and you want to semi-stalk attractive people while playing a well-laid out game. There’s 35 pictures, 35 personal questions about the person you’re looking at and you have to guess the answer correctly before you can look at the next question. An app that kills time AND looking at attractive people? Sign, me. UP.
The Bad: Nobody knows about it! Literally, the only people that I have “matched” with or take an interest to are across the nation from me. Hello sir, you are sexy AF, but you live in Boston. In my dreams man who loves puppies and your grandma.
The Ugly: Usually the people who are on there, their pictures and answers are more interesting and attractive than when you start talking to them. A girl needs a little substance!
The Good: A new app that helps you figure out your missed connections. So as you’re drunkenly roaming downtown with your friends on the weekend, you can wake up on Sunday morning and see what cuties you’ve walked by (as long as they have the app too). Large upgrade from craigslist missed connections, and slightly less creepy!
The Bad: Like Unravel, no one knows about this! And if they do, nobody uses it.
The Ugly: Uh, anyone else a little uncomfortable that phones ALWAYS know where you are??
5. Coffee Meets Bagel
The Good: It sounds like a sweet app that attracts good, sweet guys, who happen to like Coffee AND Bagels, and that’s exactly what it is. I think the people on this take dating apps a little more seriously. They’re not just in it for the bootay, but they care about who you are and what makes you, you.
The Bad: You only get to have like, five matches a day. But you can give your best friends a guy you think is their type. (Perks!)
The Ugly: There are no actual Coffee or Bagels to be consumed. Unless you set up a clever date.
The Good: Hot guys, plenty of choices, and the best part, YOU get to be the one to troll first! By that, I mean, the girls have the power (finally) in taking the first move to talk to the guy. Less creepy comments, less overly aggressive guys, more wins for the lady parts!
The Bad: SO similar to tinder, and it’s awkward when you see someone that is also on Bumble, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, and everything else. Awkward.
The Ugly: Here’s a plus ladies, no uglies on here. WINNING.
The Good: Tinder. Man oh man, Tinder is my favorite and least favorite ever. So many people to swipe through. Matching with guys is a rewarding game to play. There are some really cool guys on here, and there are some real F-boys. Gotta learn how to weed through the BS. The more fun you have with it, the more success you’re going to have.
The Bad: You can only match with so many people within a 24-hour period. I want more matches!
The Ugly: Plenty of losers on here. Steer clear and follow your gut. If you take things seriously, make sure they’re on the same page. There are plenty of people who still thing Tinder is ONLY for a bootycall.
The Good: This is Tinder minus the ugly and the poor. That’s totally what it is; gorgeous men who are intelligent, ambitious, extremely attractive, and looking for someone to be a companion and take care of. Who doesn’t want to be pampered and told they’re pretty all the time? I have had so many intelligent conversations and great connections while on here. One in particular I was so infatuated with, but he lived so far away, maybe I’ll be rich and famous and find him sometime again. (Here’s to hoping, and a big shout out to the wonderful man that is Jay F.)
The Bad: Want to talk to anyone you want? Pay the pretty price of $100 per month in order to do so. Want to be able just to talk to someone that messaged you? Pretty price of $30 a month. They weren’t kidding when they said this is the Tinder for the rich and beautiful. It was a fun month, but I am ballin’ on a budget.
The Ugly: Attractive silver foxes are rare… Plenty of old men, lookin’ for a hot young sugar baby. Being rich doesn’t make up for having an ugly personality. BYE FELICIA.
The Good: If you have attractive friends, you’re in luck. You get matched with 2nd and 3rd degree connections. Pretty people hang out with more pretty people. If your best guy friend is pretty you get to match with friends of friends. It’s ALMOST like meeting a random 3rd degree connection at a party, but you’re in the comfort of your own home without pants on!
The Bad: I guarantee you WILL match with friends of your ex. It’s inevitable. Don’t make it awkward, just swipe left ladies.
The Ugly: No uglies here my friends. This app is my absolute favorite dating app to use. People close to my age, ambitious, educated, I am sold.
10. Brunch Dates with your Girlfriends
The Good: You get to go on any of these apps and fawn at or laugh at… the many many profiles I’m SURE you guys will swipe through. Plus, this is where you can get Coffee AND Bagels AND mimosas (or Bloody Mary’s). No need to impress or dress up for any guy. You can say whatever you want and know they’ll text you the next day.
The Bad: The horrible inside jokes that are made during brunch with your girls. Also, the terrible profiles that guys think are cool. (NO MORE SHIRTLESS MIRROR PICS BRO). We get it, you lift, I don’t, thanks for rubbing it in.
The Ugly: Stumbling into the uber and falling asleep to Harry Potter while snuggling with 3 of your closest friends and forgetting where your car is parked when you go back the next day. ALWAYS TAKE A PICTURE.
So the moral of the story is, dating apps are fun, you meet people you probably wouldn’t have met otherwise. BUT. Going out with your friends and making memories that way will make you more happy than any dating app ever will. (Unless you actually find your soulmate. You go Glenn Coco!)