I’m awake at 2:31 a.m. on a Sunday morning, unable to sleep, semi-panicking because I have to be up to start a new, long day in exactly 4 hours. But my mind will not stay still. I keep going back and forth on the one question that has been on my heart since becoming a mother: How do I give my child the world?
As I stare at his innocent face fast asleep in his cot with not a worry in the world, I can’t help but feel a deep urgency and desire to figure out how I plan on giving him this world that he deserves.
I’ve always been an ambitious, hardworking woman with a clear goal of how I want my career to progress and where I see myself in the next 10 years. I had never considered there might be major detours from passionately pursuing my career. As a Management Consultant, the fine line between life and work can easily blur and merge into one existence, and I had always been okay with that. I never minded the endless nights spent in hotels in remote locations and the countless evenings of requesting “a table for one” at restaurants because I am away from home. I was content with it all until — at least, until I became a mother and that life no longer appealed to me. I want to be present always. I want to be there for his first word, for his first attempt at a crawl, for his first step and every other milestone us mothers eagerly await. Don’t get me wrong, I still very much believe that my career is part of my calling and this is exactly the road God wants me on, but there is a balance to the equation I’m struggling to find.
As “career mothers,” we are often faced with the cost of sacrifice. Either sacrifice time with your children or sacrifice the opportunity to climb as high as possible on the corporate ladder with no distractions. Can we truly have it all? I hope the answer to this is yes, but I’m none the wiser. I am still trying to figure it out. As I was tossing and turning, I was led to open a copy of my God’s Promises and find Bible scriptures on prosperity and success. I read the various scriptures for inspiration, and the main theme that came to mind as a solution to my unanswered question is to trust and seek God in all that I do. As a Christian and churchgoer, I am used to hearing that key phrase “let go and let God,” but it’s easier said than done. However, what these scriptures have revealed to me is that in my pursuit to know God and His word, He in turn will begin to direct my steps and help me to make the right decisions pertaining to my secular work.
Proverbs 24:3-4 “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established, by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”
I have come to appreciate the importance of godly wisdom, understanding, and knowledge, not the type that is necessarily acquired by reading or studying, but given from God. It is the supernatural kind that will enable me to achieve my dreams and get to the final destination, while at the same time being a very present mother.
You may have been reading this with the expectation of getting some defined bullet points on the “must dos” and “don’ts” to having it all, but my solution is rather modest and totally relies on faith. I will continue to do what I know to do, even if it may not always be easy, and simply trust God. I have faith that He will lead me, and as he leads, I will in no doubt follow.