I still think of you. I still cry thinking about you. The pain never seems to end for me when it comes to you. I wish you left me without returning. Without returning to explain what went wrong and why it went wrong, Without telling me that there could be hope for us someday, Without telling me that you still think of me.
All were lies. Lies hidden in the words to lure me into you. Lies hidden in hugs to take me into your arms. Lies hidden in kisses on the forehead to tell me you mean it.
I fall for it, even when I know everything you say aren’t meant for any good, even when I know no matter what you will never come back to me, even when I know you wouldn’t give a damn even if I was dead. It was only a game to you. A game so easy that you win without any instructions.
When someone asks me of the first love of my life, I tell them everything about you. I still talk good of you as if you’ve never set evil eyes on me. I still say that you were the person I really fell in love for the first time. I would tell them how you did that and this and how and when without realizing there was no me in that relationship. There was you, your life and only you. I still think to myself if you would tell them too that I was the first person you felt like you were in love, then it starts to hurt because that’s when the reality strikes in. You never really loved me. You never did. I wished you did. I thought you did.
But I still wish well for you, no matter how you tear me apart. I still long for the day I set my eyes on you. I still wait for the day you’ll talk to me again, only to realise I’m screwed up in love. But that’s my side of the story. Your kind of love isn’t eternal but my kind of love is( even if its one sided now ). How I wish you gave me as much as I gave to you and would give to you; but that’s clearly only my imagination. That’s the kind of a mad house you’ve made me into by returning after walking away for the first time.
I wish I could have shed you off my soul just like dead skin sheds away from our bodies every 27 days. I wish I could do that. But you are a part of me, You are a part of me which I won’t function without. You are a constant reminder in my head with no preset. I loved you and I always will, and I simply know that you neved did and and you never will.