This Is How I’ve Changed Since The Last Time You Kissed Me

Ian Schneider
Ian Schneider

You weren’t my first, but definitely the last for a while. You’ll be in a deep dark place in my heart forever. When I kissed you, it wasn’t anything much. I had kissed you before. But didn’t think it would be the last time.

This is not about kissing you for the last time, but about how I felt afterwards. That day when you drove away, you definitely took a piece of me. A piece of me that I had cherished all my life, A piece of me that I kept love alive in my soul, A piece of me that I never let anyone take over.

You took that away from me.

I stand here now, incomplete, waiting to be a whole. It wasn’t difficult moving on afterwards, it was simply unbearable. I had changed. I looked at people in a very different eye; I thought bad about everyone, I barely trusted anyone. It wasn’t easy, because that is not me. I used to love wide open. I used to see life in colors, but now I saw life in black and white. I wasn’t used to that side of me. It scared me at times.

I wouldn’t blame you; you are a very natural disaster. You infect everywhere you go.

But I’m fine. I feel confident now with this imperfect messy me. I feel much stronger without that part you took away from me. I had an edge before you, but I lost it after the last time I kissed you. I lost focus, I lost faith, and I lost a lot more things that added meaning to life. I didn’t feel alive. I only existed. I barely talked to anyone about it. But time, my friend, is magic. I gave myself time to be okay with who I was. I isolated myself but that opened me up to a different side of me, a much wiser side of me, and much inspiring side of me.

I looked into life with more depth.

I didn’t seek for simple pleasures in life like everyone else does anymore. I now find pleasure in taking me places where I never thought of going, doing those things I never thought of doing, writing those words I never thought of writing. So thank you for taking away that piece of me which blinded me to how simple life is when you start expecting less, and doing more. I forgive you so. TC mark

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