Speculative Generalizations About What Your Choice Image File Format Says About You

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You are on a top ten most popular baby names list from 1984-1987. You work in midtown. You have been promoted a socially acceptable number of times. On first dates, you usually say something neutral but deeply insecure, like, “Yeah, all of my friends work at startups,” or “Remember Duke Nukem? Great game. Never played it, but great game.” You once spoke on a panel or to a New School class about ‘culture’ and ‘the media.’

You find Gmail’s “Did you mean to attach files?” notification helpful.

Despite the panel you once spoke on, you’re deeply concerned you will never produce compelling art or sustain a real interpersonal connection. When you get especially drunk, you talk about god, your childhood, or how you want to cash in your savings and go work on a cruise ship.

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You communicate with your hookups via Facebook chat and MMS, exclusively. Your graphic design site is hosted by Go Daddy.

In high school, you drove a Nissan Sentra and identified with the music of Alkaline Trio. You recently ‘got your life together’ and graduated with an associate degree from the New York Institute of Technology. Last month, you secured some freelance work for your uncle’s Oriental rug company.

You commute to a suburb of Philadelphia every other weekend to visit your high school girlfriend, Mischa, and Cody, the son you fathered with her. Your new year’s resolution is to be a better dad to Cody. Last weekend, you took him to a science museum, 3-D movie, or to get haircuts at an old-timey barber shop.

You have a screensaver. It is space-themed.

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Your name is Cheryl, Colleen, or Linda. You have foster children of varying age, gender, and race. They all share one bedroom. You use government-issued vouchers intended for the foster children toward your computer classes at a nearby community college. You often tell the foster children, over single helpings of mac and cheese, “Things will be different when I start my own e-bay business.”

When you have your sister and her husband over for dinner, you talk about “doing right by the foster children” and ask for six thousand dollars.

You email your sister after the dinner from your optonline.net account and apologize profusely. You email her husband and reiterate your need for six thousand dollars.

You never start your own e-bay business.

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You respond to most text messages with “kewl” or a series of unrelated emojis. Left to your own devices, you monopolize conversations by repeating things about “net art” and “nu American rave culture.” You’ve talked about every party you’ve ever attended. The comedic timing of that joke you made about Skrillex is one of your most recent personal regrets. You understand SOPA less than you let on.

Deep down, you hope happiness isn’t a transitory thing and that the people in your life won’t leave you. They continue to leave you.

You keep meaning to find your minidisc player. And to have a space-themed screensaver. TC mark

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  • NotFeelingIt

    Somehow all the file types sound like they could be describing the same perso… oh wait I SEE WHAT U DID THER

  • JJ

    Well, that was dumb. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    this msut be about ‘alt-lit’ especially @crispenbest:disqus hehe

  • What Happened to TC?

    STUNNING TC ARTICLE. I CRIED. 

  • NR

    AMANDA I LOVE YOU. THISMAKESSOMUCHSENSETHATYOUWRITEFORTC.
    -NRR

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    I’m waiting on the edge of my seat for Part II:  The dreaded .bmp

  • http://twitter.com/scruzz Shawn

    I… just use whatever is default?

  • Miles Vine

    invidious stuff

  • Cole Armstrong

    Stopped reading at “you work in Midtown.” For frak’s sake, get it through your heads, the world is bigger than New York City.

    • Ugh

      it isn’t though. if you aren’t from NY you don’t matter.

  • Fernacular

    ATTN: putting things in scare quotes does not make you automatically clever, especially when it’s a word like culture, for fuck’s sake

  • Jason

    Crying with laughter.

  • http://www.jordan-levine.com/ jordan levine

    there is no understanding of what these file formats are used for. they aren’t personality choices, they have different applicable uses. anyone who would “choose” any of these formats as a kind of preference is one kind of person: an idiot. go and embed tiffs in your website instead of jpegs. I dare you.

  • http://www.jordan-levine.com/ jordan levine

    there is no understanding of what these file formats are used for. they aren’t personality choices, they have different applicable uses. anyone who would “choose” any of these formats as a kind of preference is one kind of person: a dunce. go and embed tiffs in your website instead of jpegs. i dare you.

  • Ronald

    Never yawned so hard in my life.

  • Anonymous

    BORING.GIF

  • beckyyy

    The awkward moment when I am trying to read the article, then I look over and see an ad for see through undies and bra, and her boobs.

  • WTF

    This makes NO fucking sense. Are you aware of the differences between file formats, you pretentious dumbass?

  • Anonymous

    Want a follow up on future file formats… and what they might say about sexual prowess! 

  • Waicool

     pdf doesn’t rank?  i’m suddenly depressed

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