What Your Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper Says About You

Coy Tiger: The Early Bloomer

You got your ears pierced at the Icing and shoplifted training bras from Limited Too. Your older sister Misty (or Krystal) had a long-term boyfriend who picked you up from school in a van. He once touched your boob at a Mighty Mighty Bosstones concert. You never told Misty. Every hand job you’ve given has taken place in the parking lot of a Walgreens. Later in life, you become known almost exclusively for smoking clove cigarettes, having one pink dreadlock, and being incapable of love.

Cute-sy Alien: Poor

You were a latchkey kid. Your teacher used to bring you snacks at recess because you were malnourished. She asked you if you wanted to ‘share a snack,’ so you wouldn’t be embarrassed. You were embarrassed. You grew up to become extremely successful, or extremely pregnant.

Dolphin Duo: Emotionally Dependent

You developed a deep need for interpersonal connection, since your dad was out of the picture, and your mom was always ‘working late’ as a school psychologist or ‘out to dinner’ with her ‘friend’ Roy. In fifth grade, as a treat, she allowed you to hire a manicurist for your sleepover birthday party. The next day, you wrote in your diary. It was so nice mom hired that manicurist, she must really love me to do that! Later that night you inexplicably started crying. Your mother blamed your negative body image. Roy told you you were beautiful, just like your mother.

You are now a dental hygienist. No one is leaving their wife for you.

Penguins Locked in an Embrace: Unexceptionally Middlebrow

You only owned white Barbies. Your definition of ‘populist’ was a loose one. You were ‘populist.’ You now work in middle management for a software company or marketing firm. Your son Kyle got busted for a DUI last summer. You’re worried about Kyle. You spend your weekends helping Kyle with his Pace University admission essay and buying art prints at craft shows. Your husband is sleeping with a dental hygienist. TC mark


More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1038286434 Emily Aultman

    I’m almost curious to know what my unicorn one said about me, but on second thought, I might not want to know.

    • http://twitter.com/alishaisgo Alisha Bicknell

      I was unicorn too, but I really want to know!

      • EP

        Maybe they’ll do a “Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper: Special Edition” for us.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sepenukn Norma Sepenuk

      Thats two votes for unicorns- thinking you may have to republish with them included lol

  • Jmbaker

    But…what if I had them all…?

    • Brap

      You’re generally spoiled and you think the world owes you something. You want to marry a doctor, but eventually you settle for a used car salesman.

  • Guestropod


  • yrfrnd

    I love you. This was a funny and excellent (re: relevant to my interests) read.

  • Mouse

    What, no Painter Panda? ;p

  • Albeards

    Purse dog? It’s a picture of 2 penguins hugging each other. Also…where’s the killer whale?! :)

    • Anonymous

      that was my bad

  • Allie

    Kittens, all day! And the hippy painter bear.

    • goldglass

      Love his overalls.

  • Elliott

    I think I know kyle.

  • Caleb Hildenbrandt

    Oh man, I knew someone who had the aliens, and you’ve nailed it.  I’m just not sure *how*.

  • Sophia

    I don’t really understand this at all

  • Lady

    I looked at the pictures before I read the descriptions.  I would have definitely picked the aliens of those choices–and you freaking nailed me:)  Poor kid all the way!  I’m not super successful (or pregnant).  But I’m making progress on the success front.  I have no idea how you did that!

    That’s pretty amazing.

  • http://www.nicholeexplainsitall.com EarthToNichole

    I had the (and um, still have) “I Love to Shop” Lisa Frank trapper keeper. It had a blonde with a thought bubble that contained a convertible and fancy jewelry. My materialism was apparent from an early age.

  • Guestation

    i had the cutesy aliens :(

  • Teacup Full of Cherries

    What the F is a ‘Lisa Frank trapper keeper’?

  • http://www.facebook.com/sepenukn Norma Sepenuk

    what about the horses and unicorns?

  • Olivia

    I had the celestial dragon… lunchbox.

  • Pearl725

    I had the ballerina bunnies, unicorns, and the penguins. What about the puppies, or painter panda? The aliens were after my Lisa Frank years, when she started to do people, and not just animals.

  • http://www.facebook.com/reeves.tash Natasha Reeves

    Brilliant! I needed a smile on Thought Catalog. 

  • http://thebaraza.wordpress.com/2013/04/24/ginger-pop-u-is-for-unicorn-trapper-keeper/ Ginger Pop: U is for Unicorn Trapper Keeper | The Baraza

    […] That Lisa Frank always focused on school supplies is telling. It’s almost as if they were trying to sell education through feminine consumption. Math may be hard and boys may be mean, but the amazing technicolor penguins will be your study buddies through thick and thin! I remember boys in my class having Ghostbusters and Transformers trapper keepers–product tie ins to movies and television shows. Lisa Frank products were tied to nothing, instead selling us the 80s girlie-girl, Cyndie Lauper image that “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” The brighter, the better. The variations of animals allowed you to decide what kind of girl you really were. […]

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