I have formulated below a list of things I wish I could’ve understood at the end of a really bad heartbreak. This list may not be the longest, but it took forever for me to understand and here’s to people out there who want a date, a time, or any real sign that they’ll be ready for love again. Learn these, practice these, and embrace these rules as if they’re air and understand the process may be long, but the reward is everlasting. This is how I knew I was ready to love again.
I forgave myself.
When you go through a huge loss, like a break-up, you end to juggle different scenarios on the way things “could have” ended. If you’re ready for love, you will have accepted things for how they ended. Although bargaining is a stage of grief and is completely normal— it shouldn’t be a lifestyle, nor should it be used to inflict self-hatred. You can not beat yourself up for not having the power to change things. Forgive yourself for how you lashed out, reacted, or whatever you thought you did that “ruined” things even more. You are human. You experienced pain. No one is rational under certain extremes. Cut yourself some slack and understand things ended for a reason… you may not see the reason right now, but I promise you it’s a prominent one.
I stopped searching for “the One.”
Love is often portrayed as a staple for a successful life, which may be true to some, but only to a certain extent. If you’re anything like me or most humans, you’ll often feel like life is a race, but that is far from the truth. When you force yourself to find love, you aren’t really looking for love at all. You’re looking for validation. Someone you can use to claim success, but success and love don’t always coexist. This one is by far the hardest to practice but is by far the most rewarding. As soon as you stop pressuring yourself to find love as if there’s a due date, you’ll find love in all sorts of abundance.
I allowed myself to be broken.
For a long time, I thought I had to hide my scars. I was so scared of showing my broken pieces, my insecurities and allowing myself to be seen as “damaged goods.” I thought if I hide them from others, soon they’d fade from my mind too… I was wrong. The more I hid, and tried to look like I had it together, the more I wanted to break down. Rather than hiding, I reclaimed. My scars were no longer “reminders’ but instead were insights into my heart. And that’s when my whole outlook changed. It was okay to be broken, but more so it was okay to accept me for me— all of me.
I allowed myself to be vulnerable.
Love will not happen without your willingness to let it happen. It is hard to forget the way your heart was treated the last time you were in love, but you can not let that stop you from dating. If you are ready to love, you will see the beauty in vulnerability and will understand just because someone rejected your heart does not mean this person will too. It takes an incredible amount fo strength to retell your secrets, your fears, your hobbies’ and favorite tv shows, but when you’re ready for love you’ll feel yourself wanting to share those things anyways… because love comes naturally.
I loved myself.
You must love yourself unconditionally (yes, unconditionally) before opening your love and your heart to another person. Find love in your passions, whatever they may be, and understand the only way you will be ready for love in its purest forms is by being an individual.