Being Passive Aggressive Does Not Work

Human beings have a wide spectrum of emotions. Some of which should be expressed or contained, depending on the context. In most situations, emotions of happiness, joy or elation are likely to be expressed while emotions of contempt, disdain or dislike are likely to be contained even though the latter option is not very healthy.  When a person decides to hide feelings of hurt or contempt, they usually do it to spare someone else’s feelings and this is perfectly fine…MOST OF THE TIME. The problems begin when these bad feelings build up to a point where they can no longer be contained and they overflow at the WRONG MOMENT. Ajssdbjdvjvfejefjb…OOPS!

I have seen this happen over and over again to the people in my life and myself. How do we deal with these uncontrollable feelings, you ask? The answer is simple: WE EXPRESS THEM. Tell your friend when you think that he/she has said something that attacks your personality; tell your roommate when you think that her A-HOLE boyfriend stays over way too much in your “tiny as a shoebox” apartment. Tell people how you feel.  A common alternative to expressing our feelings is being PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. Remember in that one episode of HIMYM when Marshall and Ted continue to send passive aggressive hints about wedding gifts and thank-you notes to each other for almost a decade?! We all know how that turned out!  Being passive aggressive is a defense mechanism; an ineffective way of shaming a person or persons into feeling bad for their actions or rectifying a situation. The problem is that IT NEVER WORKS. Chances are your boyfriend will not realize that you are being passive aggressive because he did not take out the trash, your buddy not give three s**ts that you are being passive aggressive because he snagged a “dime” that you totally had dibs on at the bar or your roommate will never notice that you are being passive aggressive because you are sick and tired of her boyfriend staying over. Chances are your friend/roommate/boyfriend thinks that you are PMSing or your bro thinks that you are having a bad time at work/school. This vicious cycle continues until you finally explode. BOOM. Your F-ing lid pops off, veins and all, and it looks like you are a crazy ass child who is constantly being deprived of ice cream. In other words, it looks bad. YOU LOOK BAD.

So here’s some advice for you: when you are not OK with something, SPIT IT OUT. Chances are that your girlfriend/boyfriend/bro does not realize that your feelings have been hurt OR that some asshole who you thought was your friend just failed to use your cowardliness or non-confrontational nature against you. Utilitarianism never works on a small scale. Adam smith got that shit right (refer to Wealth of Nations). So get off your ass and say how you feel today! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog