I’m speaking from a point of view of an INFP who has been in a relationship with an ESFP for seven long years. I don’t know if the seven-year itch is taking its toll on us, but we’ve been through a lot of major fights lately. And mostly, these fights are because of our differences.
Good thing, I became so into these Myers-Briggs personality types, and thanks to the writers at Thought Catalog, I found the enlightenment that I need. Now, it all makes sense to me.
After digging deeper into the INFP and ESFP personalities, I came to the conclusion that it’s hard to make a relationship work for these two types. But when these two choose love over their differences, RSVP your attendance on their wedding as early as now because their relationship is bound to last. Let me show you what I discovered.
1. ESFPs move too fast. INFPs always need space.
ESFPs are outgoing and adventurous by nature. They always want to be on the move to try something new. Often, they get too lost in the moment that they forget to think about their partners. Meanwhile, life can get so overwhelming at times for INFPs that they need to take a break for a while and meditate over the events that transpired. When it comes to hobbies, ESFPs love parties and adventures while INFPs love to stay at home and get lost in the world of books.
2. ESFPs love to be around people. INFPs prefer to be left alone.
At a party, ESFPs would spark a conversation with people who come their way. ESFPs are actors who want to get everyone’s attention, and there’s nothing wrong with that. ESFPs are often the ones who bring life into any situation. INFPs would hide in the corner, regretting why they even entertained the idea of going to the party and wishing they had stayed at home with their favorite companions: books. After all, INFPs can’t sleep until they finish the next chapter.
3. ESFPs prefer small talks. INFPs love deep, meaningful conversations.
While you, an ESFP, want to receive text messages about what your partner is doing every once in a while, your INFP partner is waiting for you to open up about your fears and dreams, to talk about how wonderful the stars and moon are tonight, to ask her progress in her current read, or to talk about the last open mic where you both went to.
INFPs don’t care about the weather, what you ate for breakfast, or if you’re stuck in heavy traffic for the nth time. They want to avoid conversations that don’t make sense as much as possible. They are deep, creative people whose minds are always filled with never-ending battles between what is right and wrong and questions without answers.
4. ESFPs are optimists. INFPs are mediators.
The best thing about ESFPs is their spontaneity. They always come up with a quick solution to a certain problem, however short-term the solution may be. These lively, always-positive people’s first line of defense is to think that a situation is no worse than it actually is, which is good in a way that when you avoid thinking about a problem, the less anxious you get.
INFPs, on the other hand, are neither pessimists or optimists. They decide whether a situation is hopeless or not based on their intuition, feeling, and perception. They don’t judge too easily. They analyze the situation and weigh the pros and cons before actually being positive, negative, or neutral about it. They are mediators by nature.
5. ESFPs run away from problems. INFPs think too much about them.
When an ESFP and an INFP get into a fight, the ESFP would focus his attention on other things like going to parties, getting drunk, and flirting with others. ESFPs don’t like to admit to themselves that there is a problem, so rather than taking in the pain and thinking about it, an ESFP would do what he loves to do most – to be around people. INFPs, as we mentioned earlier, are always thinking about things. When they have a problem, they overthink about it until they get the answer. INFPs are thoughtful people. They want what’s best for others, so they won’t stop thinking about a hundred different ways to solve a problem.
6. ESFPs are full of pride. INFPs are selfless people.
ESFPs have a hard time finding fault in their actions. They are always in denial and they find it difficult to swallow their pride to admit that they are wrong. Apologies? Nah. ESFPs would rather jump off a bridge than say it aloud, even though a part of them tells them that it’s time to apologize. But when they realize that they are wrong (which takes a really loooonnnngggggg time), they are more than willing to make up for their actions (and you’ll love them even more for it).
For INFPs, remember that these people would put themselves into someone else’s shoes before deciding on the situation. They are selfless individuals who would give a hundred chances before they give up on someone. And when they do something that hurts the other, an INFP would not hesitate to apologize.
7. ESFPs are attracted to physical appearance. INFPs fall for intelligence.
ESFPs want to look good themselves, so it’s normal that they look at the physical appearance when dating. And since the INFPs love intelligent conversations, they would fall for someone who reads the books they read and talks about the topics that they are interested in, among other things.
8. ESFPs are explorers. INFPs are not.
In the workplace, ESFPs would always aim for promotion because they love challenges and the thought of trying new things excite and thrill them. However, INFPs would settle for a position for as long as the job ignites their passion and fulfills their desires. When it comes to relationships, most ESFPs are afraid of commitment because they are free spirits who do not like being placed inside a cage.
For them, relationship means less time for friends, for partying, for adventures. INFPs, on the other hand, stay in a relationship no matter how good or toxic it is as long as they still see some hope in it. INFPs believe in people, in humanity. They think that someday, everything can fall into place as long as both sides are willing to work on it and adjust.
9. ESFPs are realists. INFPs are idealists.
ESFPs digest basic information but are still open to other possibilities and new options. Thus, when faced with difficult circumstances, they stay positive and go with the flow even though their heart tells them otherwise. They decide based on what’s practical and normal.
Individualities and differences are unusual to ESFPs, whereas INFPs dream of a world where people respect each other for their unique traits. For ESFPs, what you see is what you get. For INFPs, there is a meaning behind everything. INFPs believe that human beings are good by nature, so they see through their partner and hold on to the belief that they can help them become a better person. INFPs dream of a relationship that stands the test of time, while ESFPs stay when it’s convenient and leave when it’s difficult.
10. ESFPs are passionate lovers. INFPs are the MOST passionate lovers.
Despite their outgoing and careless personality, ESFPs are passionate lovers. They have extroverted thinking but introverted feelings. ESFPs may be natural flirts, but when they love, they give their best.
But of all the personality types, INFPs are the most passionate lovers. When they love, they don’t only give their best – they give their all. Sadly, there is a downside to being an INFP. No matter how passionate they can be, they are, after all, idealists. When they give their all, they expect to receive the same from their partners, which do not happen very often. INFPs are hopeless romantics who dream of happily ever afters – something that exists only in fairy tales, in books.
If you want proof that opposites do attract, well, I just gave you a couple of examples. These 10 explanations, which may seem in contradiction to the title, are exactly the reasons why an ESFP-INFP relationship is one of the most interesting matches of all the MBTI. It might look too complicated at first glance, but it’s simple:
ESFPs and INFPs may want to stay in completely different worlds–ESFPs in a lively, crowded world and INFPs in a peaceful, solitary one–but their introverted feelings and perceptive abilities will always, always tell them to ignore their differences and choose love over and over and over and over again. Always.