There will come a time where someone you love so deeply will walk away from you. It can be after five years or five months or maybe you never even had the chance to start, either way you will find yourself in a state where you cannot simply fathom just how much pain can overtake such a small space on the upper left side of your chest.
Here is the part where you cry. You break down. You yell. You clutch your heart as if someone is physically crushing it in their hands. You will cover your ears because of the deafening silence which used to be filled with a voice you’ve grown to call home. You will watch every god damn Nicholas Spark movie and tweet every line that hits way too close to home. You will cry to your sister or to your mother or your best friend and you will beg them to help you pick up the pieces. You will feel like every fiber of your being and every nerve ending has been ignited just to feel all the self loathing and heart break you were so desperately scared of feeling. You will listen to Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran and Bon Iver and maybe even a little Drake and you will understand the lines, “I don’t get waves of missing you anymore, they’re more like tsunami tides” and “Whatever could it be, that has brought me to this loss?” You will read endless articles from Thought Catalog, especially the ones tagged in the break up sections. You will pray to whomever god you believe in to just bring him back, I promise I’ll do better. You will be like a deer caught in the headlights when you hear a familiar song you two listened to one night when you enter a restaurant or shop. You will seclude yourself from the world. You will drink alcohol until you see red. You will find ways to numb the pain like a new exercise routine you discovered and fooling yourself into thinking you’re okay until you’re in bed six days later because of overexertion and fatigue. You will deceive yourself into thinking they’ll come back and then you’ll realize they never will. And you will cry and cry and cry.
But here’s a little spoiler for you, you will stop crying. Days and months will pass and you will get up. You will dust yourself off the ground and you will stand on your own two feet. You will realize that the pain you felt has been downgraded to a dull ache, tolerable enough to get through the day. You will wrap yourself in the silence around you and build new memories to break through it. You will stop watching sad movies and opt for romantic comedies instead. You will pick up the pieces around you and you will get yourself out of bed. You will stop listening to the songs you so adamantly thought you related to and start tuning the radio to something much lighter and happier. You will end up reading articles tagged in the moving on section and realize you’re not the only one going through this process. You will go home from parties feeling a lot happier because you didn’t drink your sanity away. You will find someone who will take care of you and love you in ways you never thought possible. You will find someone who will understand that a part of you is still trying to move on and offer their patience while you take your time. You will find someone who will teach you to love again and to hope, it can be that boy you-never-thought-of-anything-as-more-than-a-friend-but-here-we-are or that best friend you always had who has been there since day one or maybe it’s from a group of girls who will be your new source of happiness. Either way, you will never be alone. Bottomline is that you will stop crying.
There will be a time where it will be the last time you will cry over them. Take it from the girl who once upon a time got pissed drunk on her birthday, crying to her best friend in the bathroom to just bring him back to me but ended up being the one who helped ease the pain of her sister’s first heartbreak. And one day, when you come home from a party with that person being in the same room as you after a long while, you will realize all these and you will keep driving with a lighter heart, a whole lot more strength and a full bloomed hope inside you (and maybe even to the new special someone waiting up for you to get home.)