20 Ways To Not Be A Friend

image - Flickr / ashley rose,
image – Flickr / ashley rose

1. Do not wish your friend a happy birthday.

2. Call them a c*nt.

3. Ignore their efforts to reach out to you in a time of need – give up on them in their darkest hours.

4. Make them feel insignificant, or go along with your friends who make them feel insignificant.

5. Instead of talking to them maturely about an issue, straight up tell them you want a “break from the friendship” because well, you simply cannot be bothered.

6. Frequently try to hook them up with your best friend even though they don’t want to.

7. Continuously harass them with sexual comments such as “**** wants to put his d*ck inside you.”

8. Palm them off to another friend.

9. Always beat around the bush and say maybe to any question they ask you, because something better might come up.

10. Signal you want something more from them only to put your guilt for doing so while in a relationship back on them.

11. Appear mildly interested in any conversation that takes place with them, better yet just tune out altogether and make up your own version of the conversation later.

12. Stop initiating conversations and plans with them.

13. Don’t introduce them to any other friends – they’re really not worth it.

14. Don’t think before you speak, you want to be well misunderstood.

15. Lie to them, they won’t know any better.

16. Project your own negative qualities onto them.

17. Criticise and blame them for things in conversation with friends.

18. Only spend time with them when you are bored or you need something.

19. Evade all consequences.

20. And finally, you must never apologise for any of these actions.

Wake up, is it time to turn your friendship around? TC mark

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