When The Pain Never Quite Goes Away

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Soragrit Wongsa / Unsplash

There’s a hole in my soul that will never be filled and I shall know it.

I shall know it on days of euphoria and in nights of misery. I shall know it in my joy and in my despair.

There are all kinds of pain in this world.

There’s the pain of silence. There’s the pain of scream.

There’s the pain of demise. There’s the pain of existence.

There’s the pain of unrequited love. There’s the pain of love that fades away.

There’s the pain of love lost. There’s the pain of love never found.

There’s the pain of bereavement. There’s the pain of estrangement.

There’s the pain in giving up. There’s the pain in carrying on.

There’s the pain of not being enough. There’s the pain of being too much.

There’s the pain that makes you strong. There’s the pain that brings you suffering.

There’s the pain that makes you rise up from the ashes. There’s the pain that brings you to your knees.

There’s the pain that you push away. There’s the pain that you embrace.

There’s pain everywhere.

There is but one constant when it comes to pain. It demands to be felt.

It is an incessant ache in your soul that never quite goes away. It is the hollow in your heart that is deeper than an ocean. It knows how to claw out of your chest when you try to bury it.

It is the nights you spend lying awake pining away from love and writing love letters for people who think of someone else when they read them.

I wish I could tell you that you could avoid pain. I wish I could tell you that you could be lucky enough to go through life without ever feeling strangled by grief.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it is this: pain is inevitable. Some might even argue it is necessary to build your character. No human has ever achieved their true potential or become the person they were meant to be without suffering intense pain during their journey.

Painting pain in a positive light helps reduce my distress but I find myself wondering.

What of those endless moments when pain is not your savior but your nemesis? What of those grievous nights of longing when it chips away at your soul until it feels fractured? What of all the pieces of yourself lost to sorrow that you will never get back?

I want you to know this if you’re in agony.

It will hurt and it will hurt and there will be nothing you could do to mitigate the pain. Until one day you will wake up and you will feel only a dull throbbing instead of an active ache. You might never fully heal but you will be able to breathe again.

I shall wait and I shall wait in that hole. TC mark

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