If You Could See Me Now

If You Could See Me Now
Mubariz Mehdizadeh

I am not the person I was when we first met. I have discovered who I am and made peace with it. I have learned from my mistakes to become a wiser fool. Grown. Evolved. Loved. Lost.

If you could see me now, would you recognize me?

You still cross my mind sometimes. I wonder if I cross yours, too. I would have looked at you a little while longer if I knew back then that I would never see you again.

If you could see me now, would you smile and wave or frown and turn away?

I used to string together words to form meaningful sentences. I believed in the healing power of my words. I could never have imagined that I would one day run out of words for you.

If you could see me now, would you remember my words before I was silenced?

I let go of all the people who were not meant for me with dignity and grace. They came to me like a lost caravan in a desert and as an oasis I rejuvenated them and showed them the paths to their destinations. They had a journey to make, but I was already home.

If you could see me now, would you acknowledge my sacrifice?

I was kicked into the ground, but I dusted myself off and pulled myself back up every time. I knew I did not belong down there. I belonged with the moon I talked to and the stars I looked up to.

If you could see me now, would you appreciate my ambition?

I used to wish upon shooting stars and wishing wells, but my wishes bounced back off them. I started doubting in the strength of faith but then I convinced myself that I am too young to be this skeptical. Now I wish upon myself and hope that I can make my wishes come true.

If you could see me now, would you trust in my ability?

I crashed and burned and then I emerged from the ashes like a phoenix reborn. I took all the pain raging inside me and turned it into my power. I used the sadness coursing through my veins as a palette and my thoughts as the colors to create my art.

If you could see me now, would you be proud of the person I have become and the person I am becoming?

They say if a writer falls in love with you then you will live forever.

If you could see me now, would you thank me for making you immortal? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I write prose that tastes like poetry and create words for fun.

Keep up with Ahmed on Instagram and philocalistat.wordpress.com

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