Our Pledge To The Servers Of America

We thank you for dealing with our irrational demands. We thank you for refilling our cups of water five times before our meal even arrives. We thank you for your patience. We, the customers, pledge to all the servers of America…

We will not complicate a $2.50 drink. We will not ask for precisely three cherries in our Shirley Temples. We will not ask for our freshly squeezed orange juice at meal time to come in a glass cup, and we will most definitely not ask you to make any half-and-half combinations (these include diet and regular, sweetened and unsweetened, and so on).

We will not treat the restaurant like a Burger King. We will respect the chef and take the dishes as they come, perhaps only making minor modifications. We will not ask you to add lettuce, tomatoes, and onions to the crab ravioli. We will not take the meatiest thing on the menu and ask you to make it vegetarian, because like, you can and stuff.

We will not take advantage of your free bread. Gosh, it is delicious, but we will not ask you to bring five baskets of free bread and then order one entrée to share. We will not, throughout the meal, ask you to bring us more bread, and even box some up for our hungry dogs at home.

We will not call you “You,” “Server,” or “Excuse Me.” We will respect your parents’ wishes and call you the name they have chosen for you. We will not call you “WAITRESS!” or even “Excuse Me.” We will not call you that, especially if you are at another table tending to other customers. We will not pretend that, in this restaurant, the world revolves around us.

We will not treat this wonderful place like a pigsty. We will try our hardest to treat this like our home, and we will try to not spill sauce on the floor. We will try to not drop our silverware, and we promise that if we do drop it, we will pick it up. We will show you that our mothers raised us well.

We will honor your service and be grateful. Our gratuity will not be less than 18% if you have been attentive, dealt with our screaming children, and refilled our half tea, half diet Pepsi, splash of grenadine five times. We will appreciate the fact that, despite the seven other tables you’re serving, you have checked on us and did not let us go thirsty or hungry.

We will realize you are a human being. Despite the fact that we are paying for the service, we will remember that you are a human being who makes mistakes and has bad days. We will not treat you like a second-class citizen, and if your service is not a 10, but rather a 6, we will not contact the manager numerous times to complain about you. We will not purposefully try to make you upset, and most importantly…


More From Thought Catalog