Like, An Analysis

So, like, I’m talking to my mom during one of our weekly phone calls about a news story I read on the internet about how this guy, like, got stabbed in the leg at a cockfight because his animals had, like, some blade or something, attached to its limb and the dude bled out and died. [1] My mom asked me what the hell I was talking about: how was it attached? Was it a kitchen knife or a kabar? Who was this and where? I told her that I, like, didn’t give a shit about that shit.

When I tell a story, I am going to use the word “like” as many times as I please. As per the definition of the word, “of the same form, appearance, kind, character, amount, etc.” [2] Every time I use the word “like,” I am, like, not concerned with details. There’s, like, no way I know the reality of the story since I am just some white kid from the suburbs reading a small news article. All I can repeat is my experience, the sensation of what was written, what the story was like. So I, like, am more concerned with the circumstances than what actually happened.  I mean, like, the dude got stabbed by a chicken. Like, seriously?

Perhaps I mock the tragedy by bastardizing the facts by not giving a shit about them, but, like, it’s the truth. I read this news story and it is just that: a story, an anecdote, a narrative with no connection to, like, the real world. Had I been there, had I seen the rooster waddle its way to the gentleman, raise its deadly appendage and slice at his right calf, I would, like, totally not use the word, “like.” Knowing the truth, I could not distance myself from it. But I didn’t, so I don’t. As a result, “like” has become the most honest word in my vocabulary because it, like, addresses the fact that I don’t know what I’m talking about. You know what I, like, mean? TC mark

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  • hurrrrr

    I just “liked” this.

  • Merissa K.

    like, was that even necessary?
     

  • indi

    seriously?  

  • Bob

    I’m removing TC from my RSS feeds because for every one gem I find, there’s at lease 50 garbage articles like this.

    • Ellen

      Everytime a “Bob” unsubscribes from TC, Ryan O’Connell drinks a bottle of wine and goes to his #dark place

  • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

    What is this? 

  • http://twitter.com/ayecaleb Caleb Ray

    like, are you even, like, serious, like, wow. NO. This was garbage. 

  • http://twitter.com/ayecaleb Caleb Ray

    like, are you even, like, serious, like, wow. NO. This was garbage. 

  • Katie Reed

    I was like, more excited over the negative comments this article would get than like, the article itself.

    • http://www.facebook.com/TomSmizzle Tom Smith

      I like this.

      • http://www.facebook.com/TomSmizzle Tom Smith

        Oh wow I was waaaaay too slow on that joke. Whatever.

  • Strange Friend

    I hope this shit embarrasses you when you get older.

  • Bee

    I thought this was a fantastic article.

  • Ashleigh

    Are people seriously this inept at understanding satire? The negative comments on this post are similar to (like) people who thought that a man was actually suggesting Irish people eat babies…

  • http://www.facebook.com/jeffreyjamesskatzka Je Sk

    :)

  • Satpreet Kahlon

    I love this. It’s intelligent and honest. Hatas gonna hate, amiright?

  • Satpreet Kahlon

    I love this. It’s intelligent and honest. Hatas gonna hate, amiright?

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