I started dating when I was 16. No make that 15…well actually it was around age 13. Ever since then I have had a boy in my life. Dating came easy to me. I have great social skills and consider myself to be pretty cute (honestly). In some ways, not being the hot girl worked more in my favor, because more men are interested in “cute with great personality” type instead of “smoking hot and no personality” type.
I had many boyfriends and dates in high school. I went to a lot of dances and was never without someone by my side. In college, I dated the same man the entire time, until my last semester we broke up. While this was an incredibly hard thing to do, I to this day, think it was the right choice. After this breakup, I entered the world of adult dating and met many different forms of the “a**hole” guy.
We have all met them and most of us have dated them. They are good looking, sometimes unconventionally so. They are charming and smooth and know how to make us laugh. They are fun and popular, and before you know it, they are out of your life. A study was conducted in 2014 that found that on average, a woman will have her heart broken twice before she meets the person she is going to marry. TWICE. I do not fit into this average statistic. Unfortunately for me, this was one time where I wish I was average. I have dated too many a**holes to not have suffered more than two heartbreaks.
And with each heartbreak, I have had to learn how to forgive. Personally, I think that in this day and age of social media, giving forgiveness is incredibly difficult. How can you not wish vengeance on an ex-boyfriend when you see pictures on social media of him gushing over his new girlfriend? With captions like “My forever #wcw” or “the best thing that has ever happened to me” how can that not sting? But here’s what I have learned along the way. To forgive is to heal. You cannot move on or forward if you constantly wish for revenge on that a**hole er… I mean “a**hole” ex- boyfriend.
This is something that many of my single girlfriends do not understand or willingly accept either. That guy may have hurt you tremendously. He may have cheated, lied, and stolen something. He may have been incredibly mean to you. But revenge, just like forgiveness, does not change them.
It changes you. That ex will continue to frolic with his new girlfriend and most likely brag about it online. They will behave this way whether or not you sit in the corner of your room googling “how to get revenge on your ex” or if you decide to pray for forgiveness and wish them well. That behavior only affects you.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to be friends with your ex (personally I think having exs in your life is a no-no, but that’s just me) or that you need reconcile. It means you have a bigger heart and have chosen to forgive them so you can move forward. Forgiveness begins with practice and wishing people well. It is hard and it takes time, but most importantly, it is right. Many of us believe in Karma, but not in Karma’s time. Do not forgive because you want Karma to figuratively hit that ex in the face while you get something else on the good end from Karma.
Forgive because it is the right thing to do. Believe that there are good men in the world, even if you have had the pleasure of only dating that “a**hole” guy.
Often I think my mother tells me what the universe wants me to hear. Usually, it is to “be kind.” When I asked her about forgiving a (now ex) boyfriend who had slept with someone else when I was out of town, my mother said “never let the evil or wickedness of someone destroy the good in you. Do not let them ruin you for someone else by becoming bitter. You must forgive them and stay good and continue to do good.”
“Always be patient and always be kind.” And now I am incredibly grateful, that that person is gone because they were not good and I had a clear message from the universe that they needed to be removed from my life. But ultimately, I have forgiven them and wish them well on their life’s journey. If I can forgive that “a**hole” ex, you can too