Sitting across you felt like a dream that I did not want to wake up from. I wanted to soak in every moment of it. I have been looking forward to this closure for months, in hopes that I’d get the explanations I deserved. But when I looked at you, all the emotions that I thought I’ve long forgotten came rushing in. I became paralyzed as the emotions engulfed me in ways I did not see coming.
How is it possible that after all of this time that my love for you has not wavered? I guess when you truly love someone; it never really goes away, well at least for me. The pain I once felt turned into an unbearable longing that I’ve been suppressing all along. In that instant, you filled the void in me. The warmth and comfort that were all too familiar to me put me at ease.
What is unreal is that despite all of the hurt you’ve caused me, I still chose to see the good you’ve done. I still love and care for you just the same. Even though your actions were unjustifiable, I’ve already forgiven you and have moved on from that phase. I understand that what has been done cannot be undone.
If there was a manual that could teach me how to unlove you, I would study it religiously. I would do all it takes to forget about you because your chapter in my life was supposed to be over. But here’s the thing, how do you just fall out of love with someone? If that was possible for me, I would have done so a long time ago.
As the night finally came to an end, so was the closure. I stared at every inch of your face because you’ll never know the last time you get to see someone. I memorized every single moment so that I could replay it all over again in my head. I wanted to leave the conversation without any residue of animosity towards you.
All I can deduce is that sometimes no matter how hard you force yourself to unlove someone, it is not entirely possible. You can be in denial and even find ways to hate them instead. But when something triggers you, you’d realized that the love you have for them never really went away. So embrace it, cope with it but don’t let it consume you.