I keep on reading our old messages.
Today, we have decided to stop communicating for a year.
We always had fights even before, just like any normal friends. We have this mutual understanding that we should cool off first before we would settle our usual arguments, as to avoid saying mean things to each other. And I like it that way.
But this one is different.
You tried to sugarcoat whatever it is you were trying to say. But finally, you give in. You already like someone else. You always knew about how I felt for you. But we were never on the same page. You said sorry for not reciprocating my feelings, for not doing me justice.
That’s why we decided to stop communicating for a year.
Actually, it is more of my decision. I just tried convincing you. I guess I just always know how to make you feel guilty of the things you have no control over. It wasn’t your fault that you didn’t love me more than a friend. When I was about to tell you good night, you messaged me again.
“We’ll give each other space and time, okay? I just want to tell you, I do really love you and appreciate you as my friend. I hope we could be better when the time comes. Take care of yourself, okay? You’ll be in my thoughts always. We’ll be much better than before afterwards. I love you Aena!”
That made me burst into tears.
Don’t try to spare my feelings. I have always been honest about how I felt for you. You could have just easily walked away when you finally decided to pursue her. But instead, I became your plan B if ever it doesn’t work out with her.
I wish those were the things that I said. But I didn’t. I still cared about how you would feel. I made up a lie that I won’t be around as much because I was too busy, so we won’t probably see each other anyway.
You didn’t want our friendship to end. You wanted to reconcile. Go back to when we just met.
That’s what I want as well. Just a little different. I want to go back even before I met you. But I know that’s not possible.
So I’m going to leave you. Burn bridges if I have to. That girl from last Friday is unloving you.