Why Nice Guys Always Feel Like They Are Getting Screwed Over By Girls

Twenty20 / idzhar.zahir
Twenty20 / idzhar.zahir

I’ll say it. Girls date assholes.

Now that I said that let me back up and say that girls also date funny guys, smart guys, weird guys, hipster guys, and sometimes guys who are assholes. I’ve found that people like to throw around the term “girls date assholes” like it’s going out of style and more often than not the people who are saying this are people who call themselves “nice guys.”

I have nothing against “nice guys.” In fact they seem to be a dying breed. If there was one characteristic that is completely underrated, especially in this world, it is the quality of people being nice. Truly nice, the type of nice that comes from just opening the door and asking how someone’s day is going without any hidden agendas. So if you are a nice guy reading this, good for you, you are keeping the species alive! I would like to personally state that you really are great. And that’s it. You don’t deserve a metal for it. Or a ribbon.

Maybe it’s harsh, but the reason nice guys hate on fellow men who are assholes is because they feel like these terrible men are underserving of the praise they get and instead they feel as though they should be receiving it. These nice guys walk around wondering why they haven’t got the girl they were pining after even though they did everything by the book, down to the good morning texts. She should be fawning after him. She should be kissing him. Because damn it, they were nice to her.

The problem is that nice is just not enough. And it never will be.

There is a reason that girls date assholes. There are a million reasons that they shouldn’t don’t get me wrong, but there are a million reasons they do. Attractiveness, arrogance they find intriguing, and a very James Dean type of look are just some of what comes to mind. But the main reason they do is because assholes are…interesting. And most of the “nice guys” are “boring guys.”

I didn’t attribute to that consensus, but that is how it goes.

However, I speak from personal experience when I say that “nice” is not the “end all be all” of attributions to your character. And guess what? It shouldn’t be.

The reasons why nice guys get mad when good looking nice girls date assholes is because they feel that they rightly deserve the girl they had their eye on. But “nice” isn’t enough. Let me say it again: it is never enough.

Too often nice guys rely on the fact that they are only nice without developing more to their personality. They walk around with a self-deprecating attitude, mulling over their latest rejection without realizing that they need to stop attributing “nice” to “I’m perfect.”

“Nice guys” need to stop seeing themselves the way the rest of the world does and realize that there are some of us out there that don’t attribute “nice” with “passive.” Or “nice” with “homebody.” Or “nice” with “pushover.” It’s actually quite possible, believe it or not, to be nice yet aggressive. Nice and still be the life of the party. Nice and mysterious.

Because when you are these qualities too, you have a personality that develops into something more tangible. You are not resting on one thing.

Now, I know what you are thinking. At the end of the day there are still some girls who go for assholes. Of course there are! There always will be. But that’s just the fact that all girls are different. There will always be packs of desperate girls fawning over the idea that they just might be the one to change the “bad boy.”

Rest assured that most of these girls will find out that the truth of the legitimate assholes in time, if they date long enough and enough of them. This will eventually make them move over to the next guy. The nice guy. You.

Want to know how to be a nice guy that gets the girl early? Stop referring to yourself as a “nice guy” right now. Develop some traits, some hobbies. I don’t care if you are a circus juggler or the lead guitarist in a band but lead with anything that is not “I’m a nice guy,” because you’ll have most girls glossing their eyes over the second that you do.

So yes, I am sorry that you got screwed over. But one more word of advice? Don’t hate on asshole guys. It makes you look jealous and insecure when you do. Develop some type of personality and we swear that if you do that we will stop looking the other way…at that guy over there that will probably end up cheating on us. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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