What Most Women Want During Sex

I want to feel the weight of a man’s body on mine. Being on top is fun, absolutely, but nothing is so wholly panty-dropping as the feel of a man’s body urging against mine and his lips on my neck. This is our baseline, our most primal selves — to respond to each other like this. There is no other time I feel so connected to my human side and less in my head — and I want that. I want to lose control and get out of my head and just feel things if only for a short time.

When you’re a woman these days you kind of have to be all things to all people. We are organized, we get good grades, we remember appointments (and our boyfriend’s appointments), we call our mothers, we bake for office birthdays, we buy organic and take probiotics and go to Barre method but try to make sure we are not talking about it too much. We strive endlessly for perfection but we’re also very careful not to talk about it too much. We know all the wrong kinds of women to be and we dance like we are on red-hot coals each day trying to avoid being too close to any of those things.

It’s exhausting.

When we’re constantly worrying about being “enough” who could blame a girl for indulging in a sexual relationship where we’re told we’re not only enough but too much. And that’s how it feels when there’s the right kind of passion.

We love it when men are vocal. Most men like to be quiet, a thing they learn from porn where women scream for men’s pleasure but the men are silent because they think only men will watch and men don’t like to hear other men groan. I remember the first few men I was with were like most men — stoic and predictable. They were shockingly similar, again I think because they used porn as a tutor, they used the same formula and it wasn’t anything special.

Good sex is always with men who let themselves go a little bit. The first man who let a bit of a growl escape his throat while he was kissing my chest made me feel lust like I only thought I had before. When he reached his hand down even he was surprised by how wet I was. It was his enjoyment of me that spun the whole situation on it’s head and made me want him like I’d never wanted someone before. It was everything that little growl communicated. James Deen does this in his porns now and women are obsessed with him like they’ve been with no porn actor before. It’s unheard of.

Getting naked in front of someone is one of the most vulnerable things you can do with someone and every minute. Women (and men, I’m sure too but I’ll speak from experience here) want to be assured. We want passion and fireworks and a sense of urgency for you to consume our bodies. This is achieved very simply: act like you want to be there. Act like being here is the best, most interesting, most exciting thing you’re going to do all week. And once that’s the why you approach the situation, the girl you’re with will develop the same attitude and you’ll feel like a stud for making her feel that way.

Above anything else, any other reason for having sex, I want to feel desired. I want the build-up to feel rushed because you can’t wait to have me, because your lust is to intense to be patient. I want to feel like I am enough, that I can relax my brain because I don’t have to worry anymore. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Read more hot stories like this in Adrienne West’s book: Sex For Smart Women available now.

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