Most people are boring and have no sense of style, which is why they end up leading average lives. This is fine for those aspiring to hold positions in the fields of telemarketing, insurance sales and human resources, but if you do not wish to wilt with dullness, then you must cultivate an aesthetic sensibility and apply it to everything.
Anyone who has been truly memorable in history has stood out for their charming eccentricities. In being unique, one becomes more appealing and inherently entertaining, opening up a world of diverse possibilities and experiences.
One’s eccentricities should come naturally, for anything artificially cultivated has the cheap stench of affectation, but in case you require some inspiration, herewith are some basic suggestions to begin curating your new identity.
1. If you were born with a lackluster name, legally change it to something that captures the imagination and represents your cultivated personality.
2. Buy a second hand Jaguar instead of a new car. The classic shape of the Jaguar will never go out of style and makes a statement that you are above such practical banalities as requiring a reliable mode of transportation.
3. Light scented candles, make a bubble bath and listen to the Hôtel Costes CD collection of lounge music every evening before bed. Sleep only on silk satin sheets with at least six pillows for a queen-sized bed. A minimum of eight is required for a king size.
4. Be steadfastly dedicated to a trademark style of dressing – whether you wear only monochromatic hues or pencil skirts with bolero jackets and gold-heeled sling backs. Your wardrobe should be reflective of your persona. In addition, have a signature item of clothing that you are never seen in public without. It could be an ascot, Panama hat, cone bra or something utilitarian like an ankle monitor.
5. Never be seen in some place that is quotidian or unchic. This rules out the grocery store, the DMV, the post office and PF Chang’s. The only exception is some place that is so unchic that it is chic, like In N Out Burger or upstate New York.
6. With the expectation that you are already minimally trilingual in English, French and Italian, dedicate yourself to learning another language such as Russian, Arabic, or Japanese that will greatly increase your global appeal. Speak to yourself only in this language, out loud, until you have mastered fluency.
7. Cultivate a unique and demanding diet. Steve Jobs was a fruititarian. You can do better – eat only foods which are red on Mondays, blue on Tuesdays, green on Wednesdays and so forth. Give plenty of advance notice to your host when invited to a dinner party. Your artful plate will be a topic of conversation among all guests and you will insure you are not soon forgotten.
8. Develop a passionate interest in an esoteric subject yielding no financial reward and devote large swaths of time and money to pursuing knowledge in this field. The more obscure and niche, the better. Egyptology, metaphysics and 15th century French poetry are all suitable for this purpose. Become the leading amateur connoisseur and expound upon most titillating aspects of the subject during cocktail parties.
9. Place yourself above pop culture and purposely lose all touch with current events. This is easy enough – simply get rid of your television and internet connection. Not only is this a healthier way of life, but it means that even the most boorish of people will have something novel to tell you.
10. Insist on an antediluvian way of living. Conduct all of your correspondence via telegram or hand written note. Be reachable only by an antique rotary telephone. If you can’t afford to pay a resident harpsichordist, play music only on a gramophone.
11. Spend at least three months a year in a totally secluded oasis such as an ashram in the Himalayas or living with natives in a rural Indonesian village (I hear West Kalimantan has some lovely ones). Adopt the indigenous way of living and upon your return home continue dressing in local garb until the novelty wears off.
12. Reinvent yourself every six months, because even eccentricities can become mundane when they are expected.