It’s too early to be writing about you.
We haven’t know each other for long enough.
But I’d like to think that because it’s you, it’ll take less time to discover.
I first unearthed your place in my life when you were out on that field. You, me.
None of my thoughts are coherent right now and it’s so frustrating when all I want to write down is that I hope you are the one.
And I hope we don’t break each others hearts.
And I hope we don’t tear this apart.
Because every time I think about letting you in. I feel spasms of panic resonate between the cages of my ribs and it makes me want to run, sprint, as far away from you as possible.
Please don’t let me.
I’m not broken anymore I promise.
I wont let the ridges of my shattered pieces cut you.
My bleeding finally stopped; I don’t want you to start.
It’s just every now and then, a movie plays inside my mind. There are no advertisements, no previews, no filler scenes. Just waves of climax after climax until my lips are as far apart as they can be but no sound is coming out.
And I’m suffocating.
You asked me about my romance stories. And I wince. And I can hear the thoughts running through your mind and taste the bitter that is swelling between your gums. They aren’t romance stories I wanted to scream.
Horror. Maybe coming of age movies at best.
You see I’m filled with paradoxes and uncertainties and poisonous thoughts and baggaged pasts.
I just hope that when you do finally uncover these parts of me, you wont be scared away by how many scars are hidden beneath my skin.
Explore me. Piece by piece.
Arrange me however you see fit because I trust you with my all.
Someone once asked me how to follow their heart when its in a million different pieces. I was stumped. And I have been for the past 18 years but you showed me how simple the solution was. You showed me how easy it was to simply pick up every piece and put it all in the same hands because this time the callouses are in all the right places and the apparent joints join forces with your veins to form the perfect moat. The castle that I’d like to call home.