This Is How To Love Recklessly

Flickr / Mai
Flickr / Mai

It seeps. It’s a pool in my chest that seeps into my arms and drains into my soul. It’s funny how the emptiness you created was so quickly filled by the most intense craving I’ve had for everything and anything about you. They say you never know what exactly you have until it’s gone, but I suppose that you don’t really know how badly you wanted something until it decides it no longer wants you.

I am left alone to cope with the fact that you no longer wanted me. What was it, if you don’t mind me asking, that made you change your mind? Was it my solid commitment to you, or my unwavering dedication to our success as a couple? Or was it my raw honesty, my unhindered hopes and dreams, the way I was an open book with you?

Yes, you warned me that you were going to break my heart. But please, judge me not for deciding that you were worthy of a little bit of faith and a smidgeon of hope. That maybe, just maybe, you would prove yourself and your doubts wrong. That maybe it was that you needed a girl who would blindly give you this faith, just someone to believe in you. But, silly me, you were right all along. It didn’t matter how much I gave, I was simply never going to receive a return.

Maybe that’s what real love is about, giving and giving without any expectations of a return. The act of loving someone is greater than that love which is given. Maybe this is the greatest type of love, the stupid, fearless and reckless love.

The romantic in me tries to paint a picture of your glorious return, filled with sincere apologies and open arms. Tears of pain mixed with tears of forgiveness and joy. But I know that in this lifetime, you’ll most likely return to another, whose arms will feel like home and whose body will be as familiar as your native tongue. She will wait patiently for you as you journey onward with a confidence that can only be fostered by a commitment deeper than the oceans on the Earth. And I pray that you never stop chasing your happiness, no matter where it leads you, and that the fire within you never dies.

I hope she can be everything I wasn’t; for your sake, and for mine. TC mark

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