After wallowing in self-pity for too long, all of your friends are sick of hearing about him. Move on they tell you. You’ll meet someone great. You are so great! Don’t worry there are plenty of fish in the sea. But then….you don’t and you start to think about your Ex. He starts infiltrating your dreams at night and then your daydreams. And you start thinking—Hey, that maybe that wasn’t so bad. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to…LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Here are the 5 reasons you should STOP fantasizing about your Ex:
1. Feeling guilty for having fun
With one of my exes, it took me years to realize that, after a night out with my friends, I shouldn’t feel guilty for drinking or staying out late. I had a blast…why should I feel bad? I am enjoying myself! He used to guilt trip me into believing that I was doing something wrong for being out. I no longer feel guilty, and let me tell you—watching the sunrise over Manhattan from Brooklyn with your friends is awesome. Do it. Don’t let an Ex-boyfriend’s mind games confuse you and your experiences.
2. Feeling like you should have done something differently and he would not have gotten mad.
Let me start with, “You did nothing wrong.” There is something seriously wrong with him, and you need to stop worrying so much about what you said or did that made him mad. He’s an adult in an adult relationship—if he is upset about something you did, he should be able to communicate it and not get mad and throw a tantrum like a two-year-old in a checkout line. I dated someone once who wouldn’t text, call, or make plans if I had said something that he didn’t like—and for someone who is extremely opinionated and talks a mile a minute, this was an insane delusion. Let’s just say that that ended quickly.
3. Feeling like his time is worth more than your time.
You chose to be with this person and yet, oftentimes, they chose not to be with you. This just stinks. Do you want to be back in the situation where you feel like their time is worth more than yours? Where you are constantly rearranging your schedule to spend time with them? Or worse—not making plans so that you can be available for them? What a miserable way to lead your life. I dated someone once that would always leave me guessing as to whether I would see him. I ruined friendships and wasted too much time presuming that his time was more valuable than mine. Never again.
4. Measuring your self-worth on how much attention and affection he gave you.
In times of depression and missing your Ex, you remember the highs—and there had to have been some highs or you wouldn’t be in this position! But what about the lows? The low, low, low, lows. The ones where you felt like you were completely alone—even when you were sitting next to him. When he didn’t hold your hand back, or reciprocate the kiss, and you constantly wondered: Maybe I am not worth it? Stop. This was not okay. Maybe PDA isn’t your thing, but if someone cares about you, respects you, and wants you in his life, he will make the effort to see that your affections are reciprocated.
5. Wondering if you’ll ever meet someone better.
You will. The mathematical probability that you will meet someone better is statistically significant. Why? Because he was the worst. You now know that you will never tolerate that again. You are stronger and wiser. You got this. And the next that time you fantasize about your Ex, remember why you will never, EVER get back together with him.