Do not get ahead of yourself; it means nothing.
You must remember that sometimes a person will hold you and they will kiss you but they will still leave when the sun comes up. Accept the fact that maybe they don’t want to find out how you kiss on rainy Sunday mornings or how you look when you’re stressed from work. Sometimes, all they want is to be with you at that one moment– for one skipped heartbeat. Ask yourself if this is enough for you, whether this is what you deserve. Ask yourself whether it’s okay if they’re only yours till dawn spills in through the window.
It’s not okay, is it? Take a deep breath, it’ll be alright. Darling, people aren’t always who you expect them to be. Sometime,s the person you want is nothing more than just all your illusions directed at the fleshy body of another. Other times, they are all you’ve ever wanted but not what you need. And on the rarer occasions, they’re all you’ve ever needed and wanted. When this happens, you must figure out what they want, and question whether it coincides with your needs. If it doesn’t, walk away. Do not be the person that settles for human touch instead of affection.
A boy once told me that a mouth is a beautiful, innocent thing that helps carve out love letters into the hollowed body of another. He recited Oscar Wilde’s monologue for Sybil in the late of the night to me and I watched quietly while drinking wine straight from the bottle. He disappeared 2 weeks later; all he left me was a bruised red in the dip of my collar bone and a half-empty forgotten cigarette pack.
I didn’t say anything then, but I knew better. I will tell you now what I what I wanted to tell him but didn’t. I wanted to say “ Mouths are not beautiful; they are not to be romanticized. Mouths are wet, warm cavities that will slip out things like:
‘I like the face you make when you read’
‘Last night I dreamt of you.’
‘I’m not staying.’ ”
Now that I’ve told you, please remember it. Please remember, mouths are fickle and changeable and they will tell you things you never thought your ears would have to hear. Please also know that while you may kiss with your heart, some will only kiss with their mouths. Ask yourself whether you mind this and if you don’t… Lean in for another. If you do, walk away.
We go through life accepting what’s given to us, being too afraid to ask for more. We’re too afraid to take a chance when it matters, too afraid of losing what we already have for something uncertain. We are too afraid to go searching for something that we can’t already feel beneath our fingers. But we must. We must because while there are some people who won’t want to know how you kiss on rainy Sunday mornings, there are also people who will want to know how you kiss on rainy Sunday mornings, afternoons and evenings. You must wait for these people because these are the people who will also kiss you with their heart; unafraid to get the blood every.
If they’ve kissed you but they don’t love you back, please don’t let them stay. Tell them to leave and when they do tell them to leave the door ajar because you’re waiting for someone who will love you in all the ways you deserve.