1. Getting a job is easy, right?
I’ll find something, someone has to hire me, it won’t be that difficult. These are all thoughts that every expected graduate ponders as graduation day begins to creep up. So, to answer your questions, one- you will find something, if that something you are looking for entails working as a receptionist or a dog walker. Two- nobody has to hire you.
In fact, most people won’t hire you with no experience.. so how am I supposed to get that experience if you won’t give it to me? No, really, someone please tell me. And three-, it will be that difficult. It’s a lot harder than you think, especially if cover letters are not your friend and you won’t settle for anything but your dream job. Just take the waitressing position for now, okay?
2. Making connections is hard.
What is a linked-in? Why must I use it? Oh, right, because these days, everyone stays connected via the Internet and you can’t pursue any professional connections unless you are on the grid. That makes total sense, since there was obviously never a time before iPads and laptops.
3. Living at home is worse than you remember.
Seriously, though. You spend 4 years away at school, doing what you please at any time of the day, on any given day of the week. You used to be free to leave your room without being interrogated by your parents and were free to munch on nachos and binge on Ben & Jerry’s at all hours of the night. Pizza is a breakfast food, mom. Get over it.
4. Leaving your college friends is devastating.
All the connections you made throughout your 4 years at school will slowly dwindle away unless you make the conscious effort to stay in touch. And you will stay in touch because these people have become your family. They have watched you drunkenly fall down the stairs at a house party and have ordered dominos with you at 4 o’clock in the morning.. and they would never judge you for any of it.
5. Your student loans will be the death of you.
So, school was really expensive.. how were you able to pay for it? Oh, right, you weren’t. You borrowed money from the government and now you have to give it back. So, in reality, you can’t spend $150 on that new bag you wanted because you’re still paying for your education 15 years later… Thank you, FAFSA. You never cease to amaze me.
6. Your BS techniques are not welcome here.
If there is one thing you learn in college, it’s how to bullshit. You have become the master of extending your paper deadlines because “the printer was broken” or you “have come down with the flu…It’s been going around” You know how to weasel your way into the dining hall without a meal plan and you are no stranger to telling the RAs there was no alcohol in your room the night that guy got transported to the hospital. In the real world, people catch you on your BS and it’s not so easy to get away with anymore.
7. Your home friends have become strangers.
Remember your high school friends? Well, they don’t remember you either. You were so convinced that distance could never get in the way of your close friendship circle and that no one you met away at school could possibly be worthy of your loyalty and awesomeness. Ah, how the tables have turned…
8. Being poor is part of the plan.
The excuse “I can’t get a job right now because I am focussing on my studies” is no longer a vindication for why you don’t have any money. You really have no excuses now. If you enjoy spending your days hanging out in front of the family TV while you wait for your mom to call you in for dinner, then you are in the right place. But if you want to go out with your friends on the weekend you will quickly learn that you can’t get a beer for 3 bucks because you are no longer at a sleazy college bar. You are in the real world and you must be classy, and with class comes cash, so choose wisely.