1. He throws the sickest parties
Culkin is like the kid in college who throws really cool, themed house parties, except he does it like only a former child star can. He’s known for these types of shindigs, such as his prom-themed party, complete with a Prom King & Queen crowning. Last year, after the press published photos of him looking thin and accused him of having an eating disorder, Culkin made fun of the situation by throwing a canned food drive party. Last year, he organized a birthday party for dinosaurs. Guests were encouraged to dress up like their favorite dinosaur get their faces painted and dance to the music of Culkin’s ipod. His parties seem like the type of place you’d be lucky to score an invite to. Who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to dress up as a Triceratops in the West Village?
2. He has awesome friends
Unlike other celebrities, when Culkin says he doesn’t want to talk to the press, I believe him. He doesn’t appear to set up photo opportunities with the paparazzi and he’s extremely selective to whom he gives interviews. When The Daily Beast writer Ramin Setodeh wrote a profile on Culkin, all of his friends refused to be interviewed about the former child star. Culkin appears to have a bubble around him, filled with genuine friends who don’t sell him out to the press. I respect that.
3. The Pizza Underground
Culkin is part of a parody cover band of The Velvet Undergound called The Pizza Underground and, you guessed it, they sing exclusively about pizza. Some of their hits include “Cheese Days” and “I’m Beginning to Eat the Slice.” Their first video premiered recently, and features Culkin playing a kazoo with a slice o’ pie on his face. As a mega pizza enthusiast, I am fully behind Culkin’s new project. Serenade me with “All the Pizza Parties” and I’m yours, Macaulay.
4. He’s as obsessed with the 90s as you are
The millennial internet has decided it never wants to grow up, and neither does Culkin. He bought a 5,100 square-foot loft in downtown Manhattan because it reminded him of the movie Big. In it, he has an art collective with two buddies. The work is comprised mostly of pieces that speak to the group’s 90s upbringing; they include the cast members of Seinfeld standing naked on the Wheel of Fortune, Kurt Cobain, and E.T.
5. He dated Mila Kunis for nearly a decade
Although I can’t really speak for her current taste in men (Ashton Kutcher, really?), I think we can collectively agree that Mila Kunis is a pretty awesome girl. She seems relatively down to earth, and the pair’s relationship was extremely low-key. They dated for NINE years, and most people are generally unaware of the relationship. You bagged a chick that hot and didn’t shout it from the rooftops, Culkin? I admire your self-restraint, sir.
If you haven’t seen this gem of a movie, you need to click out of this tab right now and hop on over to Netflix. Macaulay Culkin is super adorable in the movie, and it is guaranteed to give you feels you didn’t know you had about lil old Kevin McAllister. Culkin makes that wheelchair sexy, dammit, and I will fight anyone that tells me otherwise.