I Don’t Know How To Stop Loving You

Unsplash / Julia Caesar
Unsplash / Julia Caesar

It all started out as a joke, you and I. People always tease us probably because we already have that chemistry. We became so close, we agree on everything whether its movies, songs and even the strangest things we could come up with in our every day, every minute conversations. You were always there for me. I guess that’s the point where I started falling for you then fall even more every day, every text.

And then one day I didn’t even notice I was already at the bottom and I don’t know how to stop falling, how to stop loving you. I blush over one simple txt, over one meaningful smile. I love it every time I caught you staring at me. I love it every time you kiss my forehead and held my hand. I was happy being with you that it never once crossed my mind that you’re already in a relationship. That there’s a girl waiting on the other side. A girl who doesn’t know I exist in your life.

I was so happy being with you that I forgot I should stop. I was so happy that I forgot there will never be an us, that I was just a girl you happen to like along the way. I don’t want to indulge myself in your words and actions that you love me because you will never be mine and I will never be yours. I’m just a girl who will never be your everything because you already have your everything. You will never be my happily ever after because we screwed up even at the beginning.

We often say we should stop but how? How can we stop when it feels so good? How can we stop when deep down we know we don’t want to? How can I stop loving you? Because if there’s a book I can buy to stop these feelings I probably have it already and re-reading every line just to make this stop. But I just can’t! I can’t stop. This is so wrong in every level, and every aspect of my being screams at me.

Why am I being stupid over a guy I could never have? Over a guy who will never pick me. How could I unlove you who were never mine to begin with? How to forget you who give me so much to remember? How to move on when there was never an us? I wish someday or maybe sooner than someday I can finally stop loving you. To finally unlove you, the guy I can never have. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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